I find it interesting and pretty cool that I found out my latest petscan results only 20 days before my original diagnosis. July 30th will be 2 years since I first heard "You have breast cancer."
This journey has been a CRAZY one but as I look back I am amazed at what God has done through me and through others.
Yesterday I got my official NED results from my oncologist. I am blessed and so excited to move onto the next chapter in my life.
Cory is doing wonderful at his new job. Isaac is growing like a weed and sleeping more (preteen syndrome), Bella is making leaps and bounds from therapy and is in LOVE with her new puppy and I love my job and feel blessed to be in the position I am in. I also LOVE doing ministry. Its my first love and I can't wait to see where God leads me next.
So with that...I am officially ending my blog with this last post. I am excited to print this out and keep it for our family. This way, we can look back to see how God worked in me through cancer whenever we may feel discouraged. My hope is that I can have enough copies to pass around to others going through the same thing.
Thank you everyone for loving me and my family through this. With confidence I say that I could not have had the amazing outcome of it all if you didn't play a part. I am here because God used each of you in a very special way.
Thank you!
My lump & I have officially departed. :)
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The Final Chapter
This time next week, my prayer, my hearts desire is to write my final blog post titled NED. "My" plan is to write my last post and print my blog out for my family keepsake. Most of the posts over the past two years were melancholy, filled with grief and sadness, but it was also a big part of my life that I will obviously never forget. I have scars on my body that will always remind me of what I went through.
Tomorrow I get my pet scan that was ordered after my last treatment in March. It took way too long for the referral to get done, but here it is. I didn't push it because honestly, I don't want to go. I don't want to visit any place that brings me back to the world of cancer. I thought I would be one of the biggest cancer supporters and of course I am to others, but pink ribbons, oncology, breast surgeons and wigs make my stomach turn. Im just so happy to be in the place I am in, that I don't want reminders of where I was. At least not those moments.
However I do have great moments through my journey. I NEVER felt more loved than when I went through cancer. The love that was shown to me and my family was incredible. The support both emotionally, physically and financially was something that I could never have dreamed of. The amazing doctors I had holding my hand through it. My family, my friends, walking with me on this journey will never be forgotten. My kids, loving me bald, sick and pale. My amazing husband who has made me feel more beautiful through cancer, than I ever have in our marriage of 12 years. He knows how to respect me, love me unconditionally and most of all he holds me when I need it most. Cory, I love you and I thank you for holding to our wedding vows. For better or worse.
The most amazing part? I grew closer to Christ through this all when I assumed I would fall away from Him. I have grown leaps and bounds in my faith, my walk and my personal relationship with Him. One moment I remember is being on my knees begging Him for healing. There is something about being on your knees at His feet. It was a moment I will never forget.
I am not afraid of cancer. I am not afraid of dying. My fear is cancer interrupting my life because I am happy. I am content. I have learned a lot in the past two years and I finally want to put it to good use. My first diagnosis (and hopefully my last) was filled with fear. This time when I think about cancer returning I think about interruption, inconvenience. I thank God that I do not have fear but I need to find rest that my life will be planned out the way its supposed to be.
I look forward to writing my final NED post. I look forward to sharing that moment with you.
Please pray with me that my scan is negative. Not even a trace. Not even a spec. Nothing!
In one week my baby girl turns 8. In one month I hit two years that I heard those words "breast cancer". Its a crazy month, however I plan to celebrate it CANCER FREE!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Hide & Seek
You remember that game right? I remember playing it as a kid and loved it! My favorite "style" of hide and seek was what we (East Coast Kid) called "Manhunt." We would dress in black and hide on our street. In NY we have bushes and trees and the houses are really close to eachother so it makes for a better game. Arizona...well that is a different story. HaHa! I remember hiding behind a bush and I would be so scared to sit there in the dark but it was so cool at the same time. I wonder what I did while I was being hunted? I didn't have a pager, phone or ipod. What did I do to pass the time? LOL
I bring this up because last night I played hide & seek and that was the first time in YEARS!!! We had a fundraiser for our Youth Group which we called AWAKE. They had to get sponsors for each hour they stayed "awake" which meant that we had to entertain them for hours on end. However in return I was definitly entertained.
When the teens requested to play hide & seek in the dark I froze. I objected because I didn't want to hide alone because I didn't have the same fearless spirit as I did when I was a kid. I think too many scary movies in my life has caused the "dark" to be a bad thing. LOL! And so I begged one of my besties Amy to be my partner. Of course we were the only ones paired up. The rest of the group had nerves of steel that I didn't. I assumed Amy shared my fear but last night, I learned a whole new side of my friend that I never knew! One word. Competitive! LOL...
We were in her house which helped us find the great hiding places. We hid behind doors, in the pantry, in closets, behind couches and even behind a bed (which we broke while moving it to accomadate our hips) LOL. This hiding time led to us hiding under blankets whispering and giggling like we were in Junior High. We laughed so hard that we couldn't breathe. We loved sitting still listening to the others "try" and find us. We were always the ones that were found last because we had the best hiding spot. Finally, we were challenged to "seek" the other two that were pretty good at hiding. Amy's husband John and one of our teens Zane. Amy was determined to find her husband in their house because she knows how her husband operates and she knows her house. I on the other hand just held onto her arm and expressed how scared I was to have someone jump out at me. She didn't care! She looked in every corner searching high and low for those two. Eventually I found John...by luck..or maybe just the bulge that was popping up from underneath their guest room bed. I continued to follow behind Amy until we found Zane. She went into one of the bathrooms and at that moment I said "No way am I looking in here!" My heart was pounding and I was so afraid someone would jump out at me. I stayed by the door. She kept looking in the bathroom high and low and the next thing I know she runs past me screaming and shouting and then I hear giggling from Zane and the rest of the teens. The exact fear I had came true on Amy. LOL..Im glad it was her and not me. :) Needless to say it was SO FUN! I sit here now and laugh because of our moments of insanity and crazy things we thought of while we were waiting for the others to find us.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my life and my journey with cancer. I have two treatments left. 2!!! I started chemo in October of 2010 and my last treatment will be March 19th 2012. I think its safe to say Im ready to be done with this!!
As I am coming to a close to this chapter in my life I am reflecting on what my new "norm" will be like. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, everyone would tell me that I would need to adjust to my new normal. At that time I thought everyone was crazy and I would never adjust but as I am living out my life I am learning that I can adjust because I don't have any other choice. Things are different and they won't just go back to the old, but it doesn't mean I can't go forward. Im not stuck.
Today I catered cupcakes for the Grand Opening at the new Florence Hospital at Anthem. They ordered 600 cupcakes!! I spent 10 hours of baking yesterday. Cupcakes after cupcakes after cupcakes. After all that baking I went to the Teen all nighter. I only had 3 1/2 hours of sleep but I made it through today. As I stood there serving my cupcakes to the hundreds of people that attended the Grand Opening I couldn't help but think...."Would I ever have started this business if I wasn't diagnosed?" I don't know the answer but I do know that I love to see people enjoy my baking. It gives me a sense of purpose again and it fills my heart with joy to be able to make others smile! We served 600 cupcakes in 1 hour! The event was from 11-2 and we packed our table up shortly after noon. It was insane, intense, wonderful, scary, and AMAZING all at the same time.
Today made me realize that I do not have to "hide" behind cancer forever. Cancer does not define me and it does not take ownership over my life. It has made me different both emotionally and physically but it does not define who I am as a person. For the longest time I thought it did but this weekend made me realize that I am coming to the point of "seeking" out my new normal and I am actually excited about it. I am coming to terms that after March 19th I don't need to expect myself and my family to go back to life before July 2010. We need to look forward and focus on our new and refined goals in life.
I no longer want to hide behind cancer. I only want to seek out the good that awaits us.
I bring this up because last night I played hide & seek and that was the first time in YEARS!!! We had a fundraiser for our Youth Group which we called AWAKE. They had to get sponsors for each hour they stayed "awake" which meant that we had to entertain them for hours on end. However in return I was definitly entertained.
When the teens requested to play hide & seek in the dark I froze. I objected because I didn't want to hide alone because I didn't have the same fearless spirit as I did when I was a kid. I think too many scary movies in my life has caused the "dark" to be a bad thing. LOL! And so I begged one of my besties Amy to be my partner. Of course we were the only ones paired up. The rest of the group had nerves of steel that I didn't. I assumed Amy shared my fear but last night, I learned a whole new side of my friend that I never knew! One word. Competitive! LOL...
We were in her house which helped us find the great hiding places. We hid behind doors, in the pantry, in closets, behind couches and even behind a bed (which we broke while moving it to accomadate our hips) LOL. This hiding time led to us hiding under blankets whispering and giggling like we were in Junior High. We laughed so hard that we couldn't breathe. We loved sitting still listening to the others "try" and find us. We were always the ones that were found last because we had the best hiding spot. Finally, we were challenged to "seek" the other two that were pretty good at hiding. Amy's husband John and one of our teens Zane. Amy was determined to find her husband in their house because she knows how her husband operates and she knows her house. I on the other hand just held onto her arm and expressed how scared I was to have someone jump out at me. She didn't care! She looked in every corner searching high and low for those two. Eventually I found John...by luck..or maybe just the bulge that was popping up from underneath their guest room bed. I continued to follow behind Amy until we found Zane. She went into one of the bathrooms and at that moment I said "No way am I looking in here!" My heart was pounding and I was so afraid someone would jump out at me. I stayed by the door. She kept looking in the bathroom high and low and the next thing I know she runs past me screaming and shouting and then I hear giggling from Zane and the rest of the teens. The exact fear I had came true on Amy. LOL..Im glad it was her and not me. :) Needless to say it was SO FUN! I sit here now and laugh because of our moments of insanity and crazy things we thought of while we were waiting for the others to find us.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my life and my journey with cancer. I have two treatments left. 2!!! I started chemo in October of 2010 and my last treatment will be March 19th 2012. I think its safe to say Im ready to be done with this!!
As I am coming to a close to this chapter in my life I am reflecting on what my new "norm" will be like. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, everyone would tell me that I would need to adjust to my new normal. At that time I thought everyone was crazy and I would never adjust but as I am living out my life I am learning that I can adjust because I don't have any other choice. Things are different and they won't just go back to the old, but it doesn't mean I can't go forward. Im not stuck.
Today I catered cupcakes for the Grand Opening at the new Florence Hospital at Anthem. They ordered 600 cupcakes!! I spent 10 hours of baking yesterday. Cupcakes after cupcakes after cupcakes. After all that baking I went to the Teen all nighter. I only had 3 1/2 hours of sleep but I made it through today. As I stood there serving my cupcakes to the hundreds of people that attended the Grand Opening I couldn't help but think...."Would I ever have started this business if I wasn't diagnosed?" I don't know the answer but I do know that I love to see people enjoy my baking. It gives me a sense of purpose again and it fills my heart with joy to be able to make others smile! We served 600 cupcakes in 1 hour! The event was from 11-2 and we packed our table up shortly after noon. It was insane, intense, wonderful, scary, and AMAZING all at the same time.
Today made me realize that I do not have to "hide" behind cancer forever. Cancer does not define me and it does not take ownership over my life. It has made me different both emotionally and physically but it does not define who I am as a person. For the longest time I thought it did but this weekend made me realize that I am coming to the point of "seeking" out my new normal and I am actually excited about it. I am coming to terms that after March 19th I don't need to expect myself and my family to go back to life before July 2010. We need to look forward and focus on our new and refined goals in life.
I no longer want to hide behind cancer. I only want to seek out the good that awaits us.
Friday, February 3, 2012
33
Its been too long since my last blog; in my mind. I have been wanting to blog so bad but didn't feel like I had to much to say. Waking up at 5am this morning made me realize I have a lot on my mind and so I thought I would share my thoughts on here.
As many of you know I had a Birthday on February 1st. The big 33. CRAZY! I don't see myself in my 30's. I still feel like Im in my 20's but my body tells me different. My husband asked me on the morning of my Birthday "So, what does it feel like to be 33?" I laughed and said "I can't really answer that question as I am gearing up for my Chemo treatment today."
Most 33 year olds aren't on Chemo. Its funny to think of an average person in their young 30's and where they are in life. All of our stories are different. Many of us don't have what we want but we all can have the things we need.
I remember my 30th. It was so exciting. My older friends all told me that things start falling apart at age 30. LOL I refused to believe them. I threw a big 30th bash and had a GREAT year!
31 I was on the same boat. I still felt and looked great (nothing was falling apart) and threw another party. Me and about 50 of my friends all went rollerskating. It was so fun!
32 however was a different story. 5 months after my 31st Birthday I was diagosed with Breast Cancer. My life changed. I honestly can not remember what my life was like before the diagnosis other than pictures. I know that I will have a new normal after this is all over, but I will never get back the old. Its just not possible. I asked the kids if they remember what life was like before Cancer and they couldn't tell me much. This disease has changed our lives as a family. It sucks. But Im here. And that is what is important. For my 32nd Birthday I had dinner in my bed and came out to the living room for cake to visit with my guests. I just had chemo the day before and I was in PAIN from the taxol. It was miserable. But I put a smile on and put a front on for my family but I was definitly hurting inside and out. This was not how I should be at 32 right?
And.....33. This year was very good. Cory treated me like a princess and my family and friends did as well. I am blessed to have all them by my side through this whole process. They love me inside and out and spoil me rotten on my Birthday. Thank you to my family and friends for always putting a smile on my face.
I am thankful to be alive celebrating another year. This year I finsh my treatment. 17 months of Chemotherapy. March 19th 2012 is my last treatment. I have 2 more treatments to go and I will be honest, Its bittersweet. On one hand I will miss my chemo buddies. I will miss my nurses but I am not kicked out once I am done. I can go by anytime I feel the need to. Plus once you stop chemo, doesn't mean you stop seeing the doctor. My oncologist will be oncologist for the rest of my life. On the other hand I am so ready to live my life and not have chemo interrupt it. Im tried of feeling pain and fatique. Im tired of seeing my daughter get anxious everytime I get a treatment. Im definitly over it. I see the finish line. Its blurry but I see it. Its so close.
I look forward to turning 34. With longer hair, not on chemo and celebrating my first year of survivorship!
For now I am going to focus on the prize and get myself to March 19th so we can celebrate!
As many of you know I had a Birthday on February 1st. The big 33. CRAZY! I don't see myself in my 30's. I still feel like Im in my 20's but my body tells me different. My husband asked me on the morning of my Birthday "So, what does it feel like to be 33?" I laughed and said "I can't really answer that question as I am gearing up for my Chemo treatment today."
Most 33 year olds aren't on Chemo. Its funny to think of an average person in their young 30's and where they are in life. All of our stories are different. Many of us don't have what we want but we all can have the things we need.
31 I was on the same boat. I still felt and looked great (nothing was falling apart) and threw another party. Me and about 50 of my friends all went rollerskating. It was so fun!
32 however was a different story. 5 months after my 31st Birthday I was diagosed with Breast Cancer. My life changed. I honestly can not remember what my life was like before the diagnosis other than pictures. I know that I will have a new normal after this is all over, but I will never get back the old. Its just not possible. I asked the kids if they remember what life was like before Cancer and they couldn't tell me much. This disease has changed our lives as a family. It sucks. But Im here. And that is what is important. For my 32nd Birthday I had dinner in my bed and came out to the living room for cake to visit with my guests. I just had chemo the day before and I was in PAIN from the taxol. It was miserable. But I put a smile on and put a front on for my family but I was definitly hurting inside and out. This was not how I should be at 32 right?
And.....33. This year was very good. Cory treated me like a princess and my family and friends did as well. I am blessed to have all them by my side through this whole process. They love me inside and out and spoil me rotten on my Birthday. Thank you to my family and friends for always putting a smile on my face.
I am thankful to be alive celebrating another year. This year I finsh my treatment. 17 months of Chemotherapy. March 19th 2012 is my last treatment. I have 2 more treatments to go and I will be honest, Its bittersweet. On one hand I will miss my chemo buddies. I will miss my nurses but I am not kicked out once I am done. I can go by anytime I feel the need to. Plus once you stop chemo, doesn't mean you stop seeing the doctor. My oncologist will be oncologist for the rest of my life. On the other hand I am so ready to live my life and not have chemo interrupt it. Im tried of feeling pain and fatique. Im tired of seeing my daughter get anxious everytime I get a treatment. Im definitly over it. I see the finish line. Its blurry but I see it. Its so close.
I look forward to turning 34. With longer hair, not on chemo and celebrating my first year of survivorship!
For now I am going to focus on the prize and get myself to March 19th so we can celebrate!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wonder Woman
I wanted to blog but wasn't sure if I should and then I knew that Rebekah wouldn't mind. She loved reading the blogs that our dear friend Bud and I wrote about during our chemo experiences...why stop now?
Yesterday was rough in so many ways. Getting chemo alone is just a ride in itself, finding out that Rebekah was not doing so well and seeing my friends and chemo nurses with such heavy hearts was a lot to take in. At one point during my treatment I had to sneak away to the bathroom and let the tears fall. Rebekah should have been at chemo with me yesterday as we were on the same schedule. She was there last treatment and we had a good talk about her battle and the fight she was ready to have due to the recent health changes. We talked about God and the strength He was giving her and that this is just another "bump" in the road but she was so strong. After 4 hours of time together, I gave her a big hug and we both agreed to pray for eachother and I know that wasn't just a thing to say. We did..and I appreciate her for praying for others even in the midst of what she was going through.
Rebekah and I have been on Chemo together for a year and a half, but she was 6 months ahead of me when I joined the "party room" of orange chairs as my good friend Bud puts it. I remember Rebekah with her laptop, her bluetooth and cell phone in hand as she worked during her 7+ hours of treatment. One of my favorite memories is when I gave my nurse Monica a pin that said "Im the nurses favorite."
She accepted with laughter and joy but assured me that there was another patient that might put up a fight about it because the other patient was sure that she was Monica's favorite. LOL....I later learned it was Rebekah. So when we finally met, Monica introduced us and said "this is the patient that gave me that pin" and the battle began. LOL....But with all kidding aside, we knew that Monica loved us both very dearly (and still does) and when we were there together we got equal treatment but we always got a little extra on the side as well when the other wasn't around. :) We love our Nurses!!
Rebekah was such a fighter! She fought colon cancer for 2 years and her kids were the reason behind that. She made that very clear and talked about them all the time. They are the same age as my two kids and I think that is where it hits me in the gut. I watched her fight, and go downhill and still fight. Through the tough times towards the end she still gave God the Glory and claimed everything in His name. When she felt defeated she would still quote the word of God for everyone to know that she relied on Him no matter what the turn out was. That is such an inspiration for me and I can only hope to follow her in that way!
As I am mourning the loss of a friend, a fellow cancer buddy and chemo buddy I had to tell myself that its ok to mourn the loss of Rebekah and cry my eyes outs everytime I would think of her. During the day, I would feel guilty that I came home from chemo with my family and then realized I can't begin to feel that way, because I know she wouldn't want me to. I hugged my kids so tight last night and this morning as I just think of the loss her kids are feeling as well as her family.
I was doing Bella's hair this morning and lost control of emotions because my heart breaks that her kids lost their mom. She is a daughter, a sister, an aunt a cousin, a friend and so much more I am sure to be missing but everyone will tell you that Rebekah is wonder woman! And she was! Without a doubt. She was a fighter till the very end!
Rebekah I know that you are free of cancer, free of your bloated belly that you hated so much and that you have all the energy we can dream of. I know you are just rejoicing in your time with Jesus and as we mourn the loss of your absence we rejoice in knowing where you are.
I can only pray for your family and for comfort during this time. I pray that your two children will grow up being everything that you dreamed they would be. You have instilled God's word in them and I believe this will only make them stronger to fight the good fight for their mom.
We love you Rebekah and I am so sorry cancer had to take you this way, but we shall see eachother again. Cancer free.
RIP Rebekah
Yesterday was rough in so many ways. Getting chemo alone is just a ride in itself, finding out that Rebekah was not doing so well and seeing my friends and chemo nurses with such heavy hearts was a lot to take in. At one point during my treatment I had to sneak away to the bathroom and let the tears fall. Rebekah should have been at chemo with me yesterday as we were on the same schedule. She was there last treatment and we had a good talk about her battle and the fight she was ready to have due to the recent health changes. We talked about God and the strength He was giving her and that this is just another "bump" in the road but she was so strong. After 4 hours of time together, I gave her a big hug and we both agreed to pray for eachother and I know that wasn't just a thing to say. We did..and I appreciate her for praying for others even in the midst of what she was going through.
Rebekah and I have been on Chemo together for a year and a half, but she was 6 months ahead of me when I joined the "party room" of orange chairs as my good friend Bud puts it. I remember Rebekah with her laptop, her bluetooth and cell phone in hand as she worked during her 7+ hours of treatment. One of my favorite memories is when I gave my nurse Monica a pin that said "Im the nurses favorite."
She accepted with laughter and joy but assured me that there was another patient that might put up a fight about it because the other patient was sure that she was Monica's favorite. LOL....I later learned it was Rebekah. So when we finally met, Monica introduced us and said "this is the patient that gave me that pin" and the battle began. LOL....But with all kidding aside, we knew that Monica loved us both very dearly (and still does) and when we were there together we got equal treatment but we always got a little extra on the side as well when the other wasn't around. :) We love our Nurses!!
Rebekah was such a fighter! She fought colon cancer for 2 years and her kids were the reason behind that. She made that very clear and talked about them all the time. They are the same age as my two kids and I think that is where it hits me in the gut. I watched her fight, and go downhill and still fight. Through the tough times towards the end she still gave God the Glory and claimed everything in His name. When she felt defeated she would still quote the word of God for everyone to know that she relied on Him no matter what the turn out was. That is such an inspiration for me and I can only hope to follow her in that way!
As I am mourning the loss of a friend, a fellow cancer buddy and chemo buddy I had to tell myself that its ok to mourn the loss of Rebekah and cry my eyes outs everytime I would think of her. During the day, I would feel guilty that I came home from chemo with my family and then realized I can't begin to feel that way, because I know she wouldn't want me to. I hugged my kids so tight last night and this morning as I just think of the loss her kids are feeling as well as her family.
I was doing Bella's hair this morning and lost control of emotions because my heart breaks that her kids lost their mom. She is a daughter, a sister, an aunt a cousin, a friend and so much more I am sure to be missing but everyone will tell you that Rebekah is wonder woman! And she was! Without a doubt. She was a fighter till the very end!
Rebekah I know that you are free of cancer, free of your bloated belly that you hated so much and that you have all the energy we can dream of. I know you are just rejoicing in your time with Jesus and as we mourn the loss of your absence we rejoice in knowing where you are.
I can only pray for your family and for comfort during this time. I pray that your two children will grow up being everything that you dreamed they would be. You have instilled God's word in them and I believe this will only make them stronger to fight the good fight for their mom.
We love you Rebekah and I am so sorry cancer had to take you this way, but we shall see eachother again. Cancer free.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord...
My blog title has been what God has been saying to me since the day I started getting inpatient with the call backs from the hospital.
I remember praying as hard as I possibly could...repeating myself just to make sure God heard me :) and begging him for a sign, a door to be open, closed, a hint...something! We didn't hear anything for what felt like forever. We prayed and prayed and everyone prayed and prayed and all I would hear is those words. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"
During our waiting time, I would use that example with my students over and over again. It was really cool to see their reaction to the great news..as they have been praying with us for many months.
As most of you know Cory will be starting his new job on Tuesday at the Anthem Hospital. LOL...I write this and cry because it feels surreal.
This is big for us in so many ways. First...Health Insurance. That is our main priority and that is taken care of in a few months. A HUGE BLESSING! Second...the time away from home has been extremely minimized. Cory would drive 120 miles a day which I know many of you do, and it takes a toll on your body and spirit. Its tough. He has been trying for 5 years to get closer to home but there was never a good time. We know why now. :) The list goes on and on...ranging from 401K to Tuition reimbursement. These are all big deals as Cory never had that option at his previous job.
His last day was today. Saturdays are usually early days but this day went on forever..ending at 4:45..and now we wait for him to get home to close that chapter and celebrate the new one.
I know in some ways he might miss his old job. I think God had us there for a reason during my diagnosis and treatment. I mean...they were the ones to give me the news. They will always hold a place in our lives and we met amazing people there. One of Cory's co-workers introduced me to KiKi who helped me tremendously through my journey as we are both breast cancer patients. Great things did come from there but we are ready to close that door and happily walk through this one.
Starting Tuesday Cory will have orientation at our community center which is across the street from the kids school. LOL...Can you say Truman Show?
Things will be different. Some GREAT..and somethings we will need to get adjusted to. Cory might be working on my chemo days and so that is a change for us, but we will get through it. I have friends and family that are always willing to take me to chemo. He will have to work 3 very long days, but he will have 4 very long days off. :) There is no bad in this situation. None that I can see anyway.
Im on top of the world. We both are. We walk around the house and I hear him say "wow" and I ask "what?, is everything ok" and his response is "ya, Im just thinking about how awesome its going to be when I start my new job" LOL
Anyway...in my mind, our new life starts tonight when he walks through that door and wont have to drive to 64th ave & Thomas Rd ever again for work. That is a huge relief for us!
We give God the full Glory for this blessing! We are forever grateful and thankful that He blessed us with this!
Thanks God! :)
I remember praying as hard as I possibly could...repeating myself just to make sure God heard me :) and begging him for a sign, a door to be open, closed, a hint...something! We didn't hear anything for what felt like forever. We prayed and prayed and everyone prayed and prayed and all I would hear is those words. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"
During our waiting time, I would use that example with my students over and over again. It was really cool to see their reaction to the great news..as they have been praying with us for many months.
As most of you know Cory will be starting his new job on Tuesday at the Anthem Hospital. LOL...I write this and cry because it feels surreal.
This is big for us in so many ways. First...Health Insurance. That is our main priority and that is taken care of in a few months. A HUGE BLESSING! Second...the time away from home has been extremely minimized. Cory would drive 120 miles a day which I know many of you do, and it takes a toll on your body and spirit. Its tough. He has been trying for 5 years to get closer to home but there was never a good time. We know why now. :) The list goes on and on...ranging from 401K to Tuition reimbursement. These are all big deals as Cory never had that option at his previous job.
His last day was today. Saturdays are usually early days but this day went on forever..ending at 4:45..and now we wait for him to get home to close that chapter and celebrate the new one.
I know in some ways he might miss his old job. I think God had us there for a reason during my diagnosis and treatment. I mean...they were the ones to give me the news. They will always hold a place in our lives and we met amazing people there. One of Cory's co-workers introduced me to KiKi who helped me tremendously through my journey as we are both breast cancer patients. Great things did come from there but we are ready to close that door and happily walk through this one.
Starting Tuesday Cory will have orientation at our community center which is across the street from the kids school. LOL...Can you say Truman Show?
Things will be different. Some GREAT..and somethings we will need to get adjusted to. Cory might be working on my chemo days and so that is a change for us, but we will get through it. I have friends and family that are always willing to take me to chemo. He will have to work 3 very long days, but he will have 4 very long days off. :) There is no bad in this situation. None that I can see anyway.
Im on top of the world. We both are. We walk around the house and I hear him say "wow" and I ask "what?, is everything ok" and his response is "ya, Im just thinking about how awesome its going to be when I start my new job" LOL
Anyway...in my mind, our new life starts tonight when he walks through that door and wont have to drive to 64th ave & Thomas Rd ever again for work. That is a huge relief for us!
We give God the full Glory for this blessing! We are forever grateful and thankful that He blessed us with this!
Thanks God! :)
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Goodbye 2011 & Hello 2012!
I was thinking about what I could update my status about that can tell the FB world how I feel about ending 2011, but I had a hard time picking a few sentences that would sum it up. I didn't want to only say "I'm so glad 2011 is coming to an end" or "I'm counting my blessings of 2011" because I know I feel emotion towards both.
2011 hasn't been as bad as it was in 2010. Being diagnosed is harder than treatment (in my situation.) This past March I finished Big Red & Taxol. I finalized my surgery. We went cross country skiing. Point Loma/San Diego. Camp Pinerock. Visited with NY family. Nevada. Polar Express. Started my own cupcake business & my husband landed the job of our dreams. That sounds like a pretty good year!
In between those wonderful blessings were some trials. Not only with my family but with my friends. I had to watch my family & friends lives takes some nasty twists & it felt like things would never be the same however those nasty trials has revealed God to still be as Great as I know He is! I have learned so many things. The one thing I can take from this year from my own blessings, trials & of this around me is that God Loves Us & He has a plan that I have learned to trust is so much better than my own. We may never understand some things but I trust that He will pull us all through.
My goal (not resolution) for 2012 is to be cancer/chemo free! I want to start my 5 year survival streak. I want to see my husband succeed in all ways. I want health Insurance. I want to joyfully accept age 33 on Feb 1st. I want to celebrate Isaac & Bella's 11th & 8th Birthday. I want to receive my district license at District Assembly as I feel I have worked so hard getting there as I was attending school in between surgery & chemo. And most of all I want to draw near to God & learn so much more! I want to learn to humbly accept the things I can not not change without wavering in my relationship with Him.
So....wether my goals are met or not, I hope to blog in December 2012 that I learned once again the intensity of Gods love for us!
Happy New Year!
2011 hasn't been as bad as it was in 2010. Being diagnosed is harder than treatment (in my situation.) This past March I finished Big Red & Taxol. I finalized my surgery. We went cross country skiing. Point Loma/San Diego. Camp Pinerock. Visited with NY family. Nevada. Polar Express. Started my own cupcake business & my husband landed the job of our dreams. That sounds like a pretty good year!
In between those wonderful blessings were some trials. Not only with my family but with my friends. I had to watch my family & friends lives takes some nasty twists & it felt like things would never be the same however those nasty trials has revealed God to still be as Great as I know He is! I have learned so many things. The one thing I can take from this year from my own blessings, trials & of this around me is that God Loves Us & He has a plan that I have learned to trust is so much better than my own. We may never understand some things but I trust that He will pull us all through.
My goal (not resolution) for 2012 is to be cancer/chemo free! I want to start my 5 year survival streak. I want to see my husband succeed in all ways. I want health Insurance. I want to joyfully accept age 33 on Feb 1st. I want to celebrate Isaac & Bella's 11th & 8th Birthday. I want to receive my district license at District Assembly as I feel I have worked so hard getting there as I was attending school in between surgery & chemo. And most of all I want to draw near to God & learn so much more! I want to learn to humbly accept the things I can not not change without wavering in my relationship with Him.
So....wether my goals are met or not, I hope to blog in December 2012 that I learned once again the intensity of Gods love for us!
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Sand World...
Today was Bella’s first therapy session with her new therapist. I am so thankful that we found her. She is exactly what I want in a therapist. She’s a Christian which is important for us. I wanted to emphasize on why that is so important to us because some people might not understand why.
We believe that Bella’s healing will ultimately come from Christ. We believe that God gives us the gift of having trained people that will assist in getting Bella the best medical care, even if it’s emotional care, not physical. We want someone that understands our faith, our way of healing and our way of allowing Christ in our home. It’s hard (from experience) to work together with someone that does not expect the “bottom line” healing to come from the same person. Our values, our morals, our foundation, our beliefs are those of Christ. I believe that we can better understand Bella, her past, her present and our goals for her future if we are on the same page spiritually. So…with that said, the importance of our therapists faith is an important one.
After the first item on our checklist was crossed off, we wanted to see her credentials which were impressive and we were happy. We got to talk on the phone last week and I felt an immediate connection with her. So we gave it a try and we were happy campers today.
The office was a great environment. She greeted us with her dog Courage (whom Bella is in love with) and offered us a variety of hot drinks on this cold rainy day in Arizona. It was very cozy and welcoming. She asked if we could meet with her first to get some information on Bella. While we were doing that, she put a veggie tales video on for Bella and set her right outside her office door. She made it known to Bella that we were going to meet and that she was leaving the door open a bit so we can still see her. I loved the way she kept reassuring Bella in every decision that she made. She made sure the video was loud enough so that our conversation wasn’t heard, but yet Bella didn’t know the difference and I like that. I like that Bella didn’t feel secluded and sitting outside alone wondering what we were talking about.
When we began our time together she prayed for us and the healing of our family and the healing of Bella. That was SUCH a blessing for us. We continued to talk about some issues in Bella’s past and the anxiety that she is feeling now. I always get choked up when I have to explain what my daughter’s “problem” is. She asked me to tell her about when I was sick on chemo, what my location would be and how I interacted with Bella. Honestly it was hard for me to remember those details, but I did remember lying in bed and always wishing I was out in the living room with my family. Thinking back to those days of intense chemo which followed surgery always breaks my heart. I lost some time with my family and my daughter is paying a price for it which sucks. Cancer sucks. BUT…which I want to emphasize BUT…I am here enjoying them now. Cancer sucks, but I won.
After our conversation, we brought Bella in. The therapist wanted us to have a family session today to “evaluate” us (in my wording) and to get to know Bella with us in the room. So we made a sand world in a huge sand tray. We got to pick items off of her bookcase which varied from animals, furniture, people, objects, nature like things and so on. We carried a basket around and collected all the times we wanted in our world. We couldn’t comment negatively on each other’s items, we just had to accept that they would be included.
So, lets start with Bella’s world. Her world contained a Momma horse and baby horse standing VERY close together. A bunny rabbit, a bird in a nest, a polar bear, a cat and a dog.
My corner of the world consisted of a brown recliner, a side table with a cross on it, a Christmas tree, a cross behind my chair, a dining room table with 4 chairs and a purple gem on the other side of my chair.
Cory’s corner consisted of a Gi Joe shoveling the sand, a fence around him and another GI Joe behind him. He added a helicopter and a plane.
The therapist came over and said “this is an interesting world.” LOL Ya, I would say. We had our own corners which were VERY different and Bella’s stuff interacted with both of our worlds. Her polar bear was even trying to break through the fence that Cory put up.
I had my own idea’s of what Cory’s world represented LOL but I didn’t say anything. Of course on the way home, I asked the question “was the GI boss representing me?” LOL Much to my surprise it didn’t.
The therapist talked through it for awhile and got connected with Bella and where she fit in. She asked Bella if she could be anywhere in this world, where would she go. So Bella got up and picked a purple fairy and set her right next to my recliner. My precious baby. That is all I can say.
Through this I realize now how much Bella fears the loss of me. It breaks my heart. I know it breaks hers. I wish I can tell her not to be afraid but I know that she will remain to feel that way until she realizes that God is in control. I had to come to that realization myself and I know that my 7 year old will have to as well.
This is a great thing for Bella. I am very happy for her that she has the resource for this and I continue to pray for her healing. I want her to branch out. I want her to feel confident without mommy and daddy around. I want her to achieve many things and not to feel anxious. We all want these things for our kids and some come easier than others.
Thanks for your prayers and thank you for stepping into our world and praying for us.
Sincerely,
The Bagbys
We believe that Bella’s healing will ultimately come from Christ. We believe that God gives us the gift of having trained people that will assist in getting Bella the best medical care, even if it’s emotional care, not physical. We want someone that understands our faith, our way of healing and our way of allowing Christ in our home. It’s hard (from experience) to work together with someone that does not expect the “bottom line” healing to come from the same person. Our values, our morals, our foundation, our beliefs are those of Christ. I believe that we can better understand Bella, her past, her present and our goals for her future if we are on the same page spiritually. So…with that said, the importance of our therapists faith is an important one.
After the first item on our checklist was crossed off, we wanted to see her credentials which were impressive and we were happy. We got to talk on the phone last week and I felt an immediate connection with her. So we gave it a try and we were happy campers today.
The office was a great environment. She greeted us with her dog Courage (whom Bella is in love with) and offered us a variety of hot drinks on this cold rainy day in Arizona. It was very cozy and welcoming. She asked if we could meet with her first to get some information on Bella. While we were doing that, she put a veggie tales video on for Bella and set her right outside her office door. She made it known to Bella that we were going to meet and that she was leaving the door open a bit so we can still see her. I loved the way she kept reassuring Bella in every decision that she made. She made sure the video was loud enough so that our conversation wasn’t heard, but yet Bella didn’t know the difference and I like that. I like that Bella didn’t feel secluded and sitting outside alone wondering what we were talking about.
When we began our time together she prayed for us and the healing of our family and the healing of Bella. That was SUCH a blessing for us. We continued to talk about some issues in Bella’s past and the anxiety that she is feeling now. I always get choked up when I have to explain what my daughter’s “problem” is. She asked me to tell her about when I was sick on chemo, what my location would be and how I interacted with Bella. Honestly it was hard for me to remember those details, but I did remember lying in bed and always wishing I was out in the living room with my family. Thinking back to those days of intense chemo which followed surgery always breaks my heart. I lost some time with my family and my daughter is paying a price for it which sucks. Cancer sucks. BUT…which I want to emphasize BUT…I am here enjoying them now. Cancer sucks, but I won.
After our conversation, we brought Bella in. The therapist wanted us to have a family session today to “evaluate” us (in my wording) and to get to know Bella with us in the room. So we made a sand world in a huge sand tray. We got to pick items off of her bookcase which varied from animals, furniture, people, objects, nature like things and so on. We carried a basket around and collected all the times we wanted in our world. We couldn’t comment negatively on each other’s items, we just had to accept that they would be included.
So, lets start with Bella’s world. Her world contained a Momma horse and baby horse standing VERY close together. A bunny rabbit, a bird in a nest, a polar bear, a cat and a dog.
My corner of the world consisted of a brown recliner, a side table with a cross on it, a Christmas tree, a cross behind my chair, a dining room table with 4 chairs and a purple gem on the other side of my chair.
Cory’s corner consisted of a Gi Joe shoveling the sand, a fence around him and another GI Joe behind him. He added a helicopter and a plane.
The therapist came over and said “this is an interesting world.” LOL Ya, I would say. We had our own corners which were VERY different and Bella’s stuff interacted with both of our worlds. Her polar bear was even trying to break through the fence that Cory put up.
I had my own idea’s of what Cory’s world represented LOL but I didn’t say anything. Of course on the way home, I asked the question “was the GI boss representing me?” LOL Much to my surprise it didn’t.
The therapist talked through it for awhile and got connected with Bella and where she fit in. She asked Bella if she could be anywhere in this world, where would she go. So Bella got up and picked a purple fairy and set her right next to my recliner. My precious baby. That is all I can say.
Through this I realize now how much Bella fears the loss of me. It breaks my heart. I know it breaks hers. I wish I can tell her not to be afraid but I know that she will remain to feel that way until she realizes that God is in control. I had to come to that realization myself and I know that my 7 year old will have to as well.
This is a great thing for Bella. I am very happy for her that she has the resource for this and I continue to pray for her healing. I want her to branch out. I want her to feel confident without mommy and daddy around. I want her to achieve many things and not to feel anxious. We all want these things for our kids and some come easier than others.
Thanks for your prayers and thank you for stepping into our world and praying for us.
Sincerely,
The Bagbys
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Hop, skip & A Jump?
Definitely more like Planes, Trains & Automobiles....LOL
Well I wanted to post this as a prayer request. As most of you know we have been Counselor shopping for Bella. The last therapist didn't work out and so we slowly faded away from that. We decided to not tell Bella until after we returned from Nevada and once we returned the conversation still didn't come up. :( My fault but life/Chemo got in the way) but eventually Bella brought it up.
She had an episode the other night which is frustrating because I was just talking to my good friend in TX and she asked me about Bella. I was happy to report that she was doing good, no big issues lately but we have been together a lot so that could be why. She really hasn't had to separate from us. She even did well with the last treatment but probably because I was a cuddle bug, it worked in Bella's favor since she laid with me most of the time I was sick. We even ate lunch and dinner on the couch while Isaac was playing at his cousins house. So she got lots of Mommy time.
However once that ended and life went back to some normalcy the anxiety began. Monday we had some issues during the day and then another at night. She was sticking by my side and there was no way to peel her off. I thought a lot about what the therapist had told us and that was to not force her at this time. As much as I want to force her to do something she is anxious about or even encourage her to give it a try, I also don't want to push her to do anything she doesn't want to. So, I backed off. We had a good conversation about it later on and it broke my heart because when we talked about the anxiety she was feeling and the emotions that went with it, she asked if she can go to therapy. My 7 year old was asking to see her counselor? I knew then, that Bella was making progress before. It was affirmation that therapy was definitely a good thing. Im glad that she recognized the problem and realized that she wanted to work through it.
Through this ordeal, we had some other issues in the past two days and I just see her healing going in the wrong direction so I was on a mission yesterday to find a therapist that I felt connected to.
After a friend of a friend of a friend...and a therapist through a therapist and a therapist I was connected to a Christian Registered Play Therapist Supervisor (one of the few in the state of Az) and she was even on "Focus on the Family" which makes me happy. She has a play therapy dog named Courage and we talked for 45 minutes about Bella's needs and goals and everything in between. I felt very connected to her on the phone and thankfully they have a sliding scale on their fee's and its lower than what we were paying with the other therapist.
The negative? Its not close. Its at least 60 miles away. :( So, we discussed options with Bella's school schedule and which day of the week and I think we have a good game plan. I also decided that I would take this opportunity to make that a special mommy morning date. We will head out first thing Monday morning and be back before her lunch time. This is a sacrifice that we will all have to make, but God has been giving us the resources and guidance on how to approach this and I haven't felt this comfortable since we figured out there was a problem so I know its right.
Im excited to meet our new therapist and to start to see the healing in Bella. For now she definitely needs our prayers. I need to have patience with her and compassion when she feels anxious. Even though I may not understand it I can't get frustrated. My family & her cousins have been so great with her and I think the more we come together to work towards her healing, the easier it will be for all of us. I'm very thankful for the prayers and support that you give our family through this journey of ours.
So....my prayer that I would find a therapist just a Hop, Skip and a Jump away didn't exactly work out...but I rather go the extra mile to feel confident in where we are going. :) When I was diagnosed I said I would drive anywhere to get the care I wanted and I am just going to have to do the same for Bella. :)
Well I wanted to post this as a prayer request. As most of you know we have been Counselor shopping for Bella. The last therapist didn't work out and so we slowly faded away from that. We decided to not tell Bella until after we returned from Nevada and once we returned the conversation still didn't come up. :( My fault but life/Chemo got in the way) but eventually Bella brought it up.
She had an episode the other night which is frustrating because I was just talking to my good friend in TX and she asked me about Bella. I was happy to report that she was doing good, no big issues lately but we have been together a lot so that could be why. She really hasn't had to separate from us. She even did well with the last treatment but probably because I was a cuddle bug, it worked in Bella's favor since she laid with me most of the time I was sick. We even ate lunch and dinner on the couch while Isaac was playing at his cousins house. So she got lots of Mommy time.
However once that ended and life went back to some normalcy the anxiety began. Monday we had some issues during the day and then another at night. She was sticking by my side and there was no way to peel her off. I thought a lot about what the therapist had told us and that was to not force her at this time. As much as I want to force her to do something she is anxious about or even encourage her to give it a try, I also don't want to push her to do anything she doesn't want to. So, I backed off. We had a good conversation about it later on and it broke my heart because when we talked about the anxiety she was feeling and the emotions that went with it, she asked if she can go to therapy. My 7 year old was asking to see her counselor? I knew then, that Bella was making progress before. It was affirmation that therapy was definitely a good thing. Im glad that she recognized the problem and realized that she wanted to work through it.
Through this ordeal, we had some other issues in the past two days and I just see her healing going in the wrong direction so I was on a mission yesterday to find a therapist that I felt connected to.
After a friend of a friend of a friend...and a therapist through a therapist and a therapist I was connected to a Christian Registered Play Therapist Supervisor (one of the few in the state of Az) and she was even on "Focus on the Family" which makes me happy. She has a play therapy dog named Courage and we talked for 45 minutes about Bella's needs and goals and everything in between. I felt very connected to her on the phone and thankfully they have a sliding scale on their fee's and its lower than what we were paying with the other therapist.
The negative? Its not close. Its at least 60 miles away. :( So, we discussed options with Bella's school schedule and which day of the week and I think we have a good game plan. I also decided that I would take this opportunity to make that a special mommy morning date. We will head out first thing Monday morning and be back before her lunch time. This is a sacrifice that we will all have to make, but God has been giving us the resources and guidance on how to approach this and I haven't felt this comfortable since we figured out there was a problem so I know its right.
Im excited to meet our new therapist and to start to see the healing in Bella. For now she definitely needs our prayers. I need to have patience with her and compassion when she feels anxious. Even though I may not understand it I can't get frustrated. My family & her cousins have been so great with her and I think the more we come together to work towards her healing, the easier it will be for all of us. I'm very thankful for the prayers and support that you give our family through this journey of ours.
So....my prayer that I would find a therapist just a Hop, Skip and a Jump away didn't exactly work out...but I rather go the extra mile to feel confident in where we are going. :) When I was diagnosed I said I would drive anywhere to get the care I wanted and I am just going to have to do the same for Bella. :)
Sunday, December 4, 2011
A run for my money....
Well....I just have to say that I am GLAD THIS WEEK IS OVER! I am sitting in my recliner next to one of our 4 trees. The living room lights are out, with the tree shining its bright lights and the fruit loop and popcorn garland bringing me back to my childhood while Cory is sitting near me reading a book, and I can't help but say...Thank you Jesus for getting me through this crazy week.
As most of you know, I had my triple dose of Herceptin this past Wednesday. I felt like I was hit from left field with no notice. Wednesday night it started by fatigue and leg cramping. Thursday morning I was dragging my body around getting the kids off to school and then I laid on my couch till Cory came home. I worked up enough energy to get a cupcake order put together with the help of my sister. I took some pain meds, took a shower and even conquered our Church Board/Pastoral Dinner at our Senior Pastor's house. I honestly dont remember much because of the medicine and how fogged I was, but I am glad I went. I wasn't much fun but it gave me sanity. On Thursday my sister told me to stay home and just rest. She said that it wasn't worth going because I would be hurting more in the morning. I just cried and told her that it kept my mind sane because I was so side swiped from this treatment and all I can do was bring myself back to my days of Hell. I needed a healthy outlet.
Thursday night Cory got called into work for Friday which would have been his day off. I panicked and my wonderful mom took the day off of work to take care of me. I slept most of the day and she cleaned, cooked breakfast, lunch, put my tree together and took care of the kids. I just laid my little self on the couch and she tended to every need. This was a walk down memory lane FOR SURE!
Saturday I got up, took a shower, put my Super CHemo Girl Cape on and tagged along to go have Breakfast with Santa provided by our Anthem PTA. After my shower I laid on the couch and started to feel dizzy. I pushed myself out the door, ate breakfast with Santa, let the kids shop, while I sat down and watched them pay for their goodies. My sister drove me home, my cape came off, my PJ's went on and off to my cozy seat on the couch I went.
I patiently waited till Cory came home from work which was about 4:30. He walked in, and I just woke up from Nap #...who knows. I told him I wanted to make Chocolate mousse and he looked at me like I was crazy. After watching Food Network for 4 days, I was determined to make something yummy!
So, I did. I got up and made dessert while he made dinner. We had a wonderful family night. I was craving it so bad. I wanted to just have a steak and potato kind of dinner and watch a Christmas movie. And we did. It was perfect. Not a minute after the kids went to bed, I followed their lead.
I woke up today feeling better but still feeling sluggish. This type of sluggish was my body recuperating from the hit it just took. I went to church and then came home and napped and went to our Annual Christmas Banquet. I was back on my feet and feeling myself again.
I realized this morning in my devotion time that I am being used by God even when I don't think I am. I have NO idea why I am going backwards in my treatment but I pray that God uses me through this to inspire someone else.
Cory and I discussed options for chemo as far as going back to weekly treatments, but we both decided to fight through it and get it done quicker by going once every 3 weeks. When you have to choose between 18 or so treatments weekly rather than once every 3 weeks and down for 4 days...and only doing it for 5-6 times more....your mind processes (or at least mine does) that it will be faster.
I now know what to expect. My husband, kids and close family all know what to expect AGAIN....and that will help the treatments go better. We were all side swiped and I think the knowledge of what to expect will help us navigate through it better.
Thank you all for your continued support. Texts, emails, FB, dinner, Starbucks drop off and hugs mean the world to me. It reminds me that I am not forgotten. I am still fighting the fight and need the support!
Thank you for being there for us!
Cheers for a 2 week Chemo free break. I have a lot to get done before I get hit again....:)
As most of you know, I had my triple dose of Herceptin this past Wednesday. I felt like I was hit from left field with no notice. Wednesday night it started by fatigue and leg cramping. Thursday morning I was dragging my body around getting the kids off to school and then I laid on my couch till Cory came home. I worked up enough energy to get a cupcake order put together with the help of my sister. I took some pain meds, took a shower and even conquered our Church Board/Pastoral Dinner at our Senior Pastor's house. I honestly dont remember much because of the medicine and how fogged I was, but I am glad I went. I wasn't much fun but it gave me sanity. On Thursday my sister told me to stay home and just rest. She said that it wasn't worth going because I would be hurting more in the morning. I just cried and told her that it kept my mind sane because I was so side swiped from this treatment and all I can do was bring myself back to my days of Hell. I needed a healthy outlet.
Thursday night Cory got called into work for Friday which would have been his day off. I panicked and my wonderful mom took the day off of work to take care of me. I slept most of the day and she cleaned, cooked breakfast, lunch, put my tree together and took care of the kids. I just laid my little self on the couch and she tended to every need. This was a walk down memory lane FOR SURE!
Saturday I got up, took a shower, put my Super CHemo Girl Cape on and tagged along to go have Breakfast with Santa provided by our Anthem PTA. After my shower I laid on the couch and started to feel dizzy. I pushed myself out the door, ate breakfast with Santa, let the kids shop, while I sat down and watched them pay for their goodies. My sister drove me home, my cape came off, my PJ's went on and off to my cozy seat on the couch I went.
I patiently waited till Cory came home from work which was about 4:30. He walked in, and I just woke up from Nap #...who knows. I told him I wanted to make Chocolate mousse and he looked at me like I was crazy. After watching Food Network for 4 days, I was determined to make something yummy!
So, I did. I got up and made dessert while he made dinner. We had a wonderful family night. I was craving it so bad. I wanted to just have a steak and potato kind of dinner and watch a Christmas movie. And we did. It was perfect. Not a minute after the kids went to bed, I followed their lead.
I woke up today feeling better but still feeling sluggish. This type of sluggish was my body recuperating from the hit it just took. I went to church and then came home and napped and went to our Annual Christmas Banquet. I was back on my feet and feeling myself again.
I realized this morning in my devotion time that I am being used by God even when I don't think I am. I have NO idea why I am going backwards in my treatment but I pray that God uses me through this to inspire someone else.
Cory and I discussed options for chemo as far as going back to weekly treatments, but we both decided to fight through it and get it done quicker by going once every 3 weeks. When you have to choose between 18 or so treatments weekly rather than once every 3 weeks and down for 4 days...and only doing it for 5-6 times more....your mind processes (or at least mine does) that it will be faster.
I now know what to expect. My husband, kids and close family all know what to expect AGAIN....and that will help the treatments go better. We were all side swiped and I think the knowledge of what to expect will help us navigate through it better.
Thank you all for your continued support. Texts, emails, FB, dinner, Starbucks drop off and hugs mean the world to me. It reminds me that I am not forgotten. I am still fighting the fight and need the support!
Thank you for being there for us!
Cheers for a 2 week Chemo free break. I have a lot to get done before I get hit again....:)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Memories that I choose not to reminisce with.
Yesterday I received my chemo treatment. 3 doses in one of Herceptin. For the last 20+ weeks I have been receiving Herceptin weekly (1 dose) . Some weeks I was superwoman and other weeks I was knocked down for a day or two or three. After much discussion last month with my oncologist we decided to try once every three weeks. I agreed to this regime because Herceptin is a low key chemo however I was not reacting as "low key" as normal. I rather get kicked down every 3 weeks as opposed to weekly. (I hate even having the choice actually)
So last treatment, I had my weekly herceptin then a week later I had the 3 in 1. It bothered me at night as far as leg cramping and fatigue but I felt better the next day. I don't know if that was the case because I had treatment the week before so my body was already in "mode" but this time around NOT THE SAME.
I went in yesterday with Cory and got my treatment. 4 hours later we were headed home. We passed a Christmas Tree lot and made the decision to get a fresh Christmas tree since my wonderful $10 15ft tree is falling apart. The nice man tied up the tree to our car and we headed home.
About 15 minutes into the drive, my whole body lost every ounce of energy that I had. I took my top sweater off, made a pillow and snoozed on the way home. I woke up right before we got to our house and Cory asked "are you doing ok" and my response was "no, I feel like it hit me like a ton of bricks"
I walked into the house, got my set up going on the couch with pillows and blankets and just watched my family go on as usual and watched Cory trying to hold the fort together. Bringing in the Christmas tree, homework with the kids and shopping for dinner and making it too.
I just have to say, I HATE laying on the couch with no energy watching my family go on without me. I haven't felt that in such a long time and its a memory that I don't want to live again.
About an hour or so after I got home, my legs were cramping, my bones hurt and I couldn't even touch them because my muscles were so sore. It was only from the waist down. All I could do is rub them gently to help ease the pain. Pain medicine, Phenegran, Aleve and my water was what I needed.
I had my friend Amy come by and chat with me awhile, Hope stopped by so Cory could remove her stitches from her finger and then my sister came by to pick up her kids. About 8pm I got off the couch to walk her out and I walked form my living room to the front room and sat on the stairs. Cory looked at me and said "you don't look so good. You have dark circles around your eyes and your face is pale." Of course I had to get up and look and much to my surprise he was right. I looked like a chemo patient again and I haven't looked like this in a long time. Thank goodness I have hair. That makes a big difference.
We got the kids off to bed and I crawled into bed myself. Cory went for his run and I don't remember much after that. I woke up today, pain free however I am nauseous, headache, super weak and exhausted. With all this comes emotions.
I woke up at 7:30 pushing myself out of bed to get the kids off to school. Of course Bella was anxious this morning just seeing me like this again. They thought it was all done. The moments that I couldn't take care of them were creeping back in.
I kept pushing the kids to hurry up and get ready while sitting on the couch just ordering them around. They finally had everything together, I kissed them goodbye and off they went.
I made breakfast, I put my tray together of books, tissues, meds, waters, cell phone and of course my laptop.
About 10 minutes later I got a call from school saying Bella forgot her backpack. I could not go bring it to her. I didn't have a car and I was NOT walking and so she had to ride back. She knocks on the door, crying of course and we spent some time cuddling and I encouraged her to get back to school. After she left, I just cried my eyes out.
This just sucks. And I feel like this is all new again. But now I know I need to recruit help again. But once again I am back in this boat that I thought I was out of. Its just plain frustrating.
At my appointment yesterday with my awesome oncologist, we had many discussions of what I was dealing with. The lump under my arm is back. It could be from the fact that I just came from a high elevation and my lymph node is inflamed or a cyst. We don't know but she never takes things lightly so we are watching it till next visit. I also talked to her about my recent eye exam. The eye doctor told me that chemo was not the reason behind my lack of focus ability and eye damage. I knew then he was wrong, but I just waited till I talked to my oncologist. I told her I went in for an eye exam and asked her if my eye damage was a side effect from chemo and she said "yes it is". I knew it. I had great eye sight before chemo and it was just too ironic that it went downhill in the past 6 mths. My oncologist told me that it should go back to normal after awhile but my ability to focus is weakening. So my glasses should be here in a week. Just another joy from chemo. 16 months of chemo has its perks....NOT.
Anyway..just pray for me. Pray for quick healing and strength for my emotional side. Thank you for keeping up with me and my blog a year later....
So last treatment, I had my weekly herceptin then a week later I had the 3 in 1. It bothered me at night as far as leg cramping and fatigue but I felt better the next day. I don't know if that was the case because I had treatment the week before so my body was already in "mode" but this time around NOT THE SAME.
I went in yesterday with Cory and got my treatment. 4 hours later we were headed home. We passed a Christmas Tree lot and made the decision to get a fresh Christmas tree since my wonderful $10 15ft tree is falling apart. The nice man tied up the tree to our car and we headed home.
About 15 minutes into the drive, my whole body lost every ounce of energy that I had. I took my top sweater off, made a pillow and snoozed on the way home. I woke up right before we got to our house and Cory asked "are you doing ok" and my response was "no, I feel like it hit me like a ton of bricks"
I walked into the house, got my set up going on the couch with pillows and blankets and just watched my family go on as usual and watched Cory trying to hold the fort together. Bringing in the Christmas tree, homework with the kids and shopping for dinner and making it too.
I just have to say, I HATE laying on the couch with no energy watching my family go on without me. I haven't felt that in such a long time and its a memory that I don't want to live again.
About an hour or so after I got home, my legs were cramping, my bones hurt and I couldn't even touch them because my muscles were so sore. It was only from the waist down. All I could do is rub them gently to help ease the pain. Pain medicine, Phenegran, Aleve and my water was what I needed.
I had my friend Amy come by and chat with me awhile, Hope stopped by so Cory could remove her stitches from her finger and then my sister came by to pick up her kids. About 8pm I got off the couch to walk her out and I walked form my living room to the front room and sat on the stairs. Cory looked at me and said "you don't look so good. You have dark circles around your eyes and your face is pale." Of course I had to get up and look and much to my surprise he was right. I looked like a chemo patient again and I haven't looked like this in a long time. Thank goodness I have hair. That makes a big difference.
We got the kids off to bed and I crawled into bed myself. Cory went for his run and I don't remember much after that. I woke up today, pain free however I am nauseous, headache, super weak and exhausted. With all this comes emotions.
I woke up at 7:30 pushing myself out of bed to get the kids off to school. Of course Bella was anxious this morning just seeing me like this again. They thought it was all done. The moments that I couldn't take care of them were creeping back in.
I kept pushing the kids to hurry up and get ready while sitting on the couch just ordering them around. They finally had everything together, I kissed them goodbye and off they went.
I made breakfast, I put my tray together of books, tissues, meds, waters, cell phone and of course my laptop.
About 10 minutes later I got a call from school saying Bella forgot her backpack. I could not go bring it to her. I didn't have a car and I was NOT walking and so she had to ride back. She knocks on the door, crying of course and we spent some time cuddling and I encouraged her to get back to school. After she left, I just cried my eyes out.
This just sucks. And I feel like this is all new again. But now I know I need to recruit help again. But once again I am back in this boat that I thought I was out of. Its just plain frustrating.
At my appointment yesterday with my awesome oncologist, we had many discussions of what I was dealing with. The lump under my arm is back. It could be from the fact that I just came from a high elevation and my lymph node is inflamed or a cyst. We don't know but she never takes things lightly so we are watching it till next visit. I also talked to her about my recent eye exam. The eye doctor told me that chemo was not the reason behind my lack of focus ability and eye damage. I knew then he was wrong, but I just waited till I talked to my oncologist. I told her I went in for an eye exam and asked her if my eye damage was a side effect from chemo and she said "yes it is". I knew it. I had great eye sight before chemo and it was just too ironic that it went downhill in the past 6 mths. My oncologist told me that it should go back to normal after awhile but my ability to focus is weakening. So my glasses should be here in a week. Just another joy from chemo. 16 months of chemo has its perks....NOT.
Anyway..just pray for me. Pray for quick healing and strength for my emotional side. Thank you for keeping up with me and my blog a year later....
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Home Sweet Home...
It was so nice to get away but its always so nice to come home too. My favorite part about being home is being in my own bed. Last night as we were drifting off to bed I said to Cory "remember when you said, "Home is where the heart is?" Well, my heart is right here in my bed." LOL There is nothing like your own bed. Especially when its a King size. :)
We did have a great time though. Thanks again to Cory's family for making that happen!
The drive up there was great. Kids were saints. I think the amount of electronics and toys really helped us out. After our night stay in Vegas and bleaching our eyes out from the things we saw we headed to Winnemucca, NV.
We had a blast. We didn't even do much but its so cold up there and cozy in the house that you just feel homey. LOL. We sledded, 4 wheeled, built a snowman, threw snowballs, built a fire from toilet paper and wood, celebrated Cory's 35th Birthday and best of all? Enjoyed eachothers company.
We were sad to go home, but of course all fun has to end sometime.
We were blessed by the trip and now we focus on getting through Christmas and starting out this new Year with a great big HEALTHY & SUCCESSFUL BANG!
We did have a great time though. Thanks again to Cory's family for making that happen!
The drive up there was great. Kids were saints. I think the amount of electronics and toys really helped us out. After our night stay in Vegas and bleaching our eyes out from the things we saw we headed to Winnemucca, NV.
We had a blast. We didn't even do much but its so cold up there and cozy in the house that you just feel homey. LOL. We sledded, 4 wheeled, built a snowman, threw snowballs, built a fire from toilet paper and wood, celebrated Cory's 35th Birthday and best of all? Enjoyed eachothers company.
We were sad to go home, but of course all fun has to end sometime.
We were blessed by the trip and now we focus on getting through Christmas and starting out this new Year with a great big HEALTHY & SUCCESSFUL BANG!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What Happens in Vegas...Stays in Vegas
Last night we had the pleasure of visiting Cory’s family in Las Vegas. We got to meet his 2nd cousins. Kayden (4) Sierra (2) & Matthew (14 mths) We hung out with Jamie and Cora and chatted about old times as we haven’t seen each other in at least 6 years. We had a BBQ then headed out into the cold city of Las Vegas.
My goal for the night was to take the family to the strip and see the water fountain show at the Bellagio and maybe head into NY NY to get an image of my roots. LOL.
As we drove onto the strip the kids were amazed at the lights and all the activity that was going on. Being that Cory grew up in Vegas, Cory was talking about how much its changed. That got Isaac’s wheels turning. We were trying to explain the atmosphere to him but we were having a hard time putting our words together. Finally, our 10 yr old out did us and said “Dad, is it like the weeds?” We both looked at each other in fear and said “Son, what do you mean?” Of course we were scared of what he was about to say but we were thankful when he finished and said “The parable of the weeds and the wheat” We looked at each other once again and smiled and said “yes Isaac, that’s a good comparison.” We are so thankful that our kids reflect life situations with God’s word. I praise God for that.
We watched the fountain show at the Bellagio to the theme song of Titanic. It was awesome of course and I felt like I was standing right at the front of the boat with Leonardo DiCaprio. LOL..not really but it was worth it.
We walked through the Bellagio which is beautiful of course. They have a garden which is decorated for Harvest. Pumpkins made out of roses and tons of gourds and scarecrows. It was so pretty. The kids loved it.
In order to get from the Bellagio to NY NY it was more of a hassle to drive and I could see NY NY from where we started so I thought…lets just walk the strip even after I was warned to stay in the car LOL (Pastor Kevin)
We walked into the Cosmo which was actually pretty cool. Very Cosmopolitan. I’m sure that Hotel is a girly girls favorite. Especially walking in and seeing the red high heel stiletto. They had a pink chandelier that I want for my house. LOL It’s super cute.
As we moved from the Bellagio to NY NY I thought maybe Isaac and Cory could ride the rollercoaster, but at $14.00 a person that was NOT happening. So we played some video games and I won Isaac & Bella 700 tickets (You can win tickets with the claw..amazing) and I won Bella “Clumsy smurf”. I just have to say, I have mad skills at the claw. I haven’t lost yet. My kids think Im a hero.
We then took our hike to NY NY. Oh boy….this is where my title of “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”comes from because I want to leave all the nasty stuff there and not with me. Honestly, all Cory and I could do last night was pray for the things that happen down there.
Some may agree or disagree but since this is my blog, I get to plug in my point. Vegas has so much to offer for sight seers however, the garbage that is filtered through just gets in the way. When talking with Cory’s cousin she was saying that there really isn’t much to do for young families and I can see why. They are so wrapped up in the product which I get, but it makes it hard for young families to find things to do when you live there.
We didn’t walk far. Maybe 10 minutes however I had Cory behind me, warning me not to let the kids look down. Of course as soon as I heard that I looked down just to find business cards of women soliciting themselves. There were workers on EVERY corner in sweatshirts that said GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS handing out these cards. Just to make it better in case you didn’t take the card, they now have a new promotion plan which includes someone driving around a “billboard” truck with the images on the side and they just drive slowly up and down the strip. So as you are stopping to take a picture, you turn around and WHAM….in your face. You look up to the amazing lights of the hotels just to find large screens flashing the entertainment. I walked with both my kids under my arm and just talked about how cool the fountain show was, however everything is just so noticeable, its hard not to ask questions especially when your 10. We walked across a bridge, and there were 3 or 4 people, probably early 20’s. They were all playing an instrument or singing and they had a cardboard sign that said “Need $$ for weed” I stopped and looked at them, laughed and said “can I take a picture of your sign” LOL I couldn’t help myself. Cory and the kids were further down from me and I told him to stay there since I was the only who noticed it. Then a few feet down there were two people sleeping on the floor in fetal position since it was so cold. Then the questions started. “Mom, why is he sleeping there?” “Well, Isaac, he could be homeless, not having anywhere to go.” “Wow, that sucks.” Yes it sure does.
Then he noticed tons of people with the famous Las Vegas cups. The ones that is forever big and filled to the rim with their favorite drink of choice. For a 10 year old that seems like a pretty cool cup. Isaac kept asking for one. He wanted to fill it up with soda. Well…sure I would love to fill it up with a Caramel macchiato. LOL. I tried to explain that those cups weren’t for us to buy. Adults were buying them. He couldn’t understand it.
The questions kept coming and coming as we took every step. We had been in vegas 9 years ago and I can tell you that its not the same. Its 10x worse than it was. Its on every corner. That’s the sad part. I think of these girls. They are someone’s daughter. I think of all the people that have to be subjected to that and the images that stick in their head. It makes my heart sad and I now understand when I see the posts from people that live in Vegas wanting to save it. Media calls it SIN CITY for a reason.
This morning Isaac asked us about gambling since last night we could walk through the casino’s as long as we stayed on the path. You can’t really dodge the casinos when you are walking through the hotel. We didn’t talk much about it last night, but I guess it just took him awhile to process it. So this morning as we were eating breakfast we talked about gambling and how it can become addicting and sometimes gets people in trouble. He said “maybe the guy sleeping on the floor last night lost all his money at the machines” Yup, maybe he did.
So needless to say, last night we had to wash our brains of the crap we had to see and I am thankful to begin our drive to the small town of Winnemucca. Mountains, 4 wheelers and family time is more of my thing. If I don’t see the strip again….I can’t say I will be sad.
My goal for the night was to take the family to the strip and see the water fountain show at the Bellagio and maybe head into NY NY to get an image of my roots. LOL.
As we drove onto the strip the kids were amazed at the lights and all the activity that was going on. Being that Cory grew up in Vegas, Cory was talking about how much its changed. That got Isaac’s wheels turning. We were trying to explain the atmosphere to him but we were having a hard time putting our words together. Finally, our 10 yr old out did us and said “Dad, is it like the weeds?” We both looked at each other in fear and said “Son, what do you mean?” Of course we were scared of what he was about to say but we were thankful when he finished and said “The parable of the weeds and the wheat” We looked at each other once again and smiled and said “yes Isaac, that’s a good comparison.” We are so thankful that our kids reflect life situations with God’s word. I praise God for that.
We watched the fountain show at the Bellagio to the theme song of Titanic. It was awesome of course and I felt like I was standing right at the front of the boat with Leonardo DiCaprio. LOL..not really but it was worth it.
We walked through the Bellagio which is beautiful of course. They have a garden which is decorated for Harvest. Pumpkins made out of roses and tons of gourds and scarecrows. It was so pretty. The kids loved it.
In order to get from the Bellagio to NY NY it was more of a hassle to drive and I could see NY NY from where we started so I thought…lets just walk the strip even after I was warned to stay in the car LOL (Pastor Kevin)
We walked into the Cosmo which was actually pretty cool. Very Cosmopolitan. I’m sure that Hotel is a girly girls favorite. Especially walking in and seeing the red high heel stiletto. They had a pink chandelier that I want for my house. LOL It’s super cute.
As we moved from the Bellagio to NY NY I thought maybe Isaac and Cory could ride the rollercoaster, but at $14.00 a person that was NOT happening. So we played some video games and I won Isaac & Bella 700 tickets (You can win tickets with the claw..amazing) and I won Bella “Clumsy smurf”. I just have to say, I have mad skills at the claw. I haven’t lost yet. My kids think Im a hero.
We then took our hike to NY NY. Oh boy….this is where my title of “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”comes from because I want to leave all the nasty stuff there and not with me. Honestly, all Cory and I could do last night was pray for the things that happen down there.
Some may agree or disagree but since this is my blog, I get to plug in my point. Vegas has so much to offer for sight seers however, the garbage that is filtered through just gets in the way. When talking with Cory’s cousin she was saying that there really isn’t much to do for young families and I can see why. They are so wrapped up in the product which I get, but it makes it hard for young families to find things to do when you live there.
We didn’t walk far. Maybe 10 minutes however I had Cory behind me, warning me not to let the kids look down. Of course as soon as I heard that I looked down just to find business cards of women soliciting themselves. There were workers on EVERY corner in sweatshirts that said GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS handing out these cards. Just to make it better in case you didn’t take the card, they now have a new promotion plan which includes someone driving around a “billboard” truck with the images on the side and they just drive slowly up and down the strip. So as you are stopping to take a picture, you turn around and WHAM….in your face. You look up to the amazing lights of the hotels just to find large screens flashing the entertainment. I walked with both my kids under my arm and just talked about how cool the fountain show was, however everything is just so noticeable, its hard not to ask questions especially when your 10. We walked across a bridge, and there were 3 or 4 people, probably early 20’s. They were all playing an instrument or singing and they had a cardboard sign that said “Need $$ for weed” I stopped and looked at them, laughed and said “can I take a picture of your sign” LOL I couldn’t help myself. Cory and the kids were further down from me and I told him to stay there since I was the only who noticed it. Then a few feet down there were two people sleeping on the floor in fetal position since it was so cold. Then the questions started. “Mom, why is he sleeping there?” “Well, Isaac, he could be homeless, not having anywhere to go.” “Wow, that sucks.” Yes it sure does.
Then he noticed tons of people with the famous Las Vegas cups. The ones that is forever big and filled to the rim with their favorite drink of choice. For a 10 year old that seems like a pretty cool cup. Isaac kept asking for one. He wanted to fill it up with soda. Well…sure I would love to fill it up with a Caramel macchiato. LOL. I tried to explain that those cups weren’t for us to buy. Adults were buying them. He couldn’t understand it.
The questions kept coming and coming as we took every step. We had been in vegas 9 years ago and I can tell you that its not the same. Its 10x worse than it was. Its on every corner. That’s the sad part. I think of these girls. They are someone’s daughter. I think of all the people that have to be subjected to that and the images that stick in their head. It makes my heart sad and I now understand when I see the posts from people that live in Vegas wanting to save it. Media calls it SIN CITY for a reason.
This morning Isaac asked us about gambling since last night we could walk through the casino’s as long as we stayed on the path. You can’t really dodge the casinos when you are walking through the hotel. We didn’t talk much about it last night, but I guess it just took him awhile to process it. So this morning as we were eating breakfast we talked about gambling and how it can become addicting and sometimes gets people in trouble. He said “maybe the guy sleeping on the floor last night lost all his money at the machines” Yup, maybe he did.
So needless to say, last night we had to wash our brains of the crap we had to see and I am thankful to begin our drive to the small town of Winnemucca. Mountains, 4 wheelers and family time is more of my thing. If I don’t see the strip again….I can’t say I will be sad.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Nevada Bound
I am taking a break from all the packing. Going from 75 degrees to 40 degrees requires a lot of "extra's".
We were blessed by Cory's family to take a trip to Winnemucca, NV for Thanksgiving. We couldn't have done it without their help! During this week of giving thanks, we are definitly GIVING THANKS to them. :)
We are driving up to Northern Nevada. Cory's parents live 3 1/2 hours north of Reno. Snow is in the forecast for Thanksgiving Day. WOOT WOOT
We are excited to ride the 4 wheelers in the snow and up the mountain. My in-laws have a house in a cul-de-sac that sits right on the W mountain. Its free reign for us and we are excited to take advantage of that. Bella is fine with riding with me on the 4 wheeler. Isaac on the other hand...I might have to keep a tight rope otherwise he will get out of control. LOL
During the week our plans consists of lounging around, getting in some major Gma & Gpa time, celebrating Cory's 35th Birthday, smoking a HUGE bird on the weber over fruit tree wood, sipping hot cocoa, riding 4 wheelers, and best of all? Making memories with the family.
Cory's mom is a 5 year breast cancer survivor. Even though I am still on chemo, I am excited to share our survivorship together. To be together for thanksgiving, away from all the doctors and tests and medicine? What a great thing to be thankful for.
I can't wait to post pics of our vacation. Of course FB will be a popular thing since we will be driving for 12 hours. We do get to break up the trip by staying the night in Vegas at Cory's cousin's house. That will be a big help to get the kids to waste some energy before we hit the long road on Tuesday morning. We got the Laptop, Ipad, IShuffle, crayons, coloring books, travel games, and movies all set to go.
Now I just need to come up with a good threat to the kids about hearing "are we there yet."
4 wheelers might be an option. :)
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
We were blessed by Cory's family to take a trip to Winnemucca, NV for Thanksgiving. We couldn't have done it without their help! During this week of giving thanks, we are definitly GIVING THANKS to them. :)
We are driving up to Northern Nevada. Cory's parents live 3 1/2 hours north of Reno. Snow is in the forecast for Thanksgiving Day. WOOT WOOT
We are excited to ride the 4 wheelers in the snow and up the mountain. My in-laws have a house in a cul-de-sac that sits right on the W mountain. Its free reign for us and we are excited to take advantage of that. Bella is fine with riding with me on the 4 wheeler. Isaac on the other hand...I might have to keep a tight rope otherwise he will get out of control. LOL
During the week our plans consists of lounging around, getting in some major Gma & Gpa time, celebrating Cory's 35th Birthday, smoking a HUGE bird on the weber over fruit tree wood, sipping hot cocoa, riding 4 wheelers, and best of all? Making memories with the family.
Cory's mom is a 5 year breast cancer survivor. Even though I am still on chemo, I am excited to share our survivorship together. To be together for thanksgiving, away from all the doctors and tests and medicine? What a great thing to be thankful for.
I can't wait to post pics of our vacation. Of course FB will be a popular thing since we will be driving for 12 hours. We do get to break up the trip by staying the night in Vegas at Cory's cousin's house. That will be a big help to get the kids to waste some energy before we hit the long road on Tuesday morning. We got the Laptop, Ipad, IShuffle, crayons, coloring books, travel games, and movies all set to go.
Now I just need to come up with a good threat to the kids about hearing "are we there yet."
4 wheelers might be an option. :)
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Praises and Prayers
I always want to add something good on my blog so it doesn't always seem like a drama set. However, I am dramatic. LOL Im kidding...but I know some agree. HaHa.
Anyway GREAT NEWS...Isaac got his VERY first audition tomorrow afternoon for a GOODWILL commercial. His part is about a boy giving up his teddy bear to GOODWILL so that another child can enjoy what was once a special friend to him. I am so excited. I am not getting my hopes up as he has NEVER done this, however I am still a proud mom that they considered him for the part. He is very excited and actually very calm. I would be a basket case (AKA DRAMATIC) LOL...but he is very mellow and confident. I am not sure how he would react if he doesn't get it, he really has never been let down in that capacity before so this could be an interesting moment in our lives. He fits the part for the request of the commerical, however he does lack the experience and training so in comparison with other kids, that will work against him. But that doesn't mean he wont get it..so we are praying for Him, that he does his best and whatever is meant to happen, happens. Just to go and experience that whole side of the world is going to be fascinating for me. I imagine myself sitting in the waiting room (not even sure if I am imagining this correctly) wondering how he is doing for the audition, if he goes into another room, or if I can be in the same room and view from afar. Ahhh..I can feel my controlling self coming out. LOL
His audition is at 3:15 so if you read this..can you say a prayer for Him? Just that he doesn't get nervous and does his best and whatever the result is, his spirit never gets weak from turn downs.
Im hoping he doesn't cough his way through the audition. Its mostly acting, no speaking parts so that will be good. LOL. Before the audition we are taking him to the doctor to get checked out since he has had a cough for a week now. So no school, just me and my boy. A fun day ahead. I can't wait to post the results. We will know on Wednesday if he gets a call back. :)
Another exciting note, I received my very first haircut since my new hair growth. It was a bit nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time. I got it cut alot off the back since the curls were taking over my head and I was looking like a chia pet, but now my top mop can catch up to my sides. :) My mom wanted me to put the hair from the cut into a baggie to save. Crazy I know, but that is my mom, however I didn't do it. Sorry mom. :)
My last news..is just for prayer for Bella. We had an incident (nothing major) at therapy last week and its between the therapist and myself but we are praying about making a move to a different therapist. So if you can please pray for that situation as it is not easy to take her out when she feels comfortable and is thanking God for therapy. I hate to change but there are some red flags going up in regards to the therapists beliefs and I don't know if that is the type of healing suggestions I want for my daughter. So please keep us in prayer.
We had the opportunity to pray for Bella at the alter today in church. Our Pastor and friend (Kevin) and Pastor Merritt (our friend too of course) anointed Bella and we (friends and family) laid hands on her for healing of her anxiety, worry and fear. It was very special for our family to have the support surrounding us for our little 7 yr old girl who struggles with anxiety. She asked me tonight "mom will this oil stay on my head forever?" LOL. It was really cute. We told her that the prayer will last forever, but no, eventually it will wash off. LOL
We talked about it this morning of what it meant to be anointed and I was so proud of her bravery to go up in front of the congregation and allow all of our hands to lay on her. Of course she snuggled into our bodies as more and more people came, but she pulled through like a champ! I love my church family and their support. Thank you so much for committing to pray for Bella. Even our teens from our youth group came up to lay hands on her. That meant so much to me!
Anyway, I am thankful today and excited about Isaac and the healing of my baby girl. Maybe my next post is "Isaac donates a teddy bear to GOODWILL" :)
Anyway GREAT NEWS...Isaac got his VERY first audition tomorrow afternoon for a GOODWILL commercial. His part is about a boy giving up his teddy bear to GOODWILL so that another child can enjoy what was once a special friend to him. I am so excited. I am not getting my hopes up as he has NEVER done this, however I am still a proud mom that they considered him for the part. He is very excited and actually very calm. I would be a basket case (AKA DRAMATIC) LOL...but he is very mellow and confident. I am not sure how he would react if he doesn't get it, he really has never been let down in that capacity before so this could be an interesting moment in our lives. He fits the part for the request of the commerical, however he does lack the experience and training so in comparison with other kids, that will work against him. But that doesn't mean he wont get it..so we are praying for Him, that he does his best and whatever is meant to happen, happens. Just to go and experience that whole side of the world is going to be fascinating for me. I imagine myself sitting in the waiting room (not even sure if I am imagining this correctly) wondering how he is doing for the audition, if he goes into another room, or if I can be in the same room and view from afar. Ahhh..I can feel my controlling self coming out. LOL
His audition is at 3:15 so if you read this..can you say a prayer for Him? Just that he doesn't get nervous and does his best and whatever the result is, his spirit never gets weak from turn downs.
Im hoping he doesn't cough his way through the audition. Its mostly acting, no speaking parts so that will be good. LOL. Before the audition we are taking him to the doctor to get checked out since he has had a cough for a week now. So no school, just me and my boy. A fun day ahead. I can't wait to post the results. We will know on Wednesday if he gets a call back. :)
Another exciting note, I received my very first haircut since my new hair growth. It was a bit nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time. I got it cut alot off the back since the curls were taking over my head and I was looking like a chia pet, but now my top mop can catch up to my sides. :) My mom wanted me to put the hair from the cut into a baggie to save. Crazy I know, but that is my mom, however I didn't do it. Sorry mom. :)
My last news..is just for prayer for Bella. We had an incident (nothing major) at therapy last week and its between the therapist and myself but we are praying about making a move to a different therapist. So if you can please pray for that situation as it is not easy to take her out when she feels comfortable and is thanking God for therapy. I hate to change but there are some red flags going up in regards to the therapists beliefs and I don't know if that is the type of healing suggestions I want for my daughter. So please keep us in prayer.
We had the opportunity to pray for Bella at the alter today in church. Our Pastor and friend (Kevin) and Pastor Merritt (our friend too of course) anointed Bella and we (friends and family) laid hands on her for healing of her anxiety, worry and fear. It was very special for our family to have the support surrounding us for our little 7 yr old girl who struggles with anxiety. She asked me tonight "mom will this oil stay on my head forever?" LOL. It was really cute. We told her that the prayer will last forever, but no, eventually it will wash off. LOL
We talked about it this morning of what it meant to be anointed and I was so proud of her bravery to go up in front of the congregation and allow all of our hands to lay on her. Of course she snuggled into our bodies as more and more people came, but she pulled through like a champ! I love my church family and their support. Thank you so much for committing to pray for Bella. Even our teens from our youth group came up to lay hands on her. That meant so much to me!
Anyway, I am thankful today and excited about Isaac and the healing of my baby girl. Maybe my next post is "Isaac donates a teddy bear to GOODWILL" :)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Please Please Please Pray
Im asking everyone that reads this to please pray for our family.
Several things are going on and we simply feel overwhelmed.
For one...Bella. Her anxiety is getting worse and she is actually praying for Bravery during bedtime prayers. A simple thing like tutoring after school has sent her into tears. She is anxious about the family being without her, she is anxious about being at school later than usual, she is anxious with her routine being messed up and anxious about us not being there in time to pick her up. Of course its on my chemo days that she has tutoring and I can never guarantee if I will be home on time. She was crying her eyes out this morning as she left for school and this simply shouldn't be happening to her. Im so mad that she has to deal with this. We are out of money, we are paying for EVERYTHING out of pocket as we are simply drowning. We can't afford her counseling and I shake my head in anger at this whole thing.
Second...Isaac. He is on medication and his Rx is due. $180.00 on top of everything else. We are having to make decisions on which child to pay for, and again, this isn't fair.
Third...Me. Last week Chemo knocked me down for 3 days. On the 4th, I was totally fine. I was weak, fatigue and nautious. I thought I had the flu but it wasn't. I am not sure why its treating me this way, but its not good for my mind and my spirit and it just frustrates me. Each week I react differently and I can't pin point the reason.
Finally, our family in general. This of course is weighing on us and we are just trusting in the Lord that all this need will be provided for. I didn't ask for these cards. They were dealt to me. I could easily lie and get insurance but I choose not to do that. That is not what defines me. I want to do things in the Image of Christ and I hold onto his promise.
Please keep us in your prayers. Paying for the cost of chemo and the effects it has on our kids is more than we can handle. We simply need the presence of God to overwhelm us and the peace that only He can offer.
Thank you for supporting me and my family through this journey that (at this moment) sucks.
Several things are going on and we simply feel overwhelmed.
For one...Bella. Her anxiety is getting worse and she is actually praying for Bravery during bedtime prayers. A simple thing like tutoring after school has sent her into tears. She is anxious about the family being without her, she is anxious about being at school later than usual, she is anxious with her routine being messed up and anxious about us not being there in time to pick her up. Of course its on my chemo days that she has tutoring and I can never guarantee if I will be home on time. She was crying her eyes out this morning as she left for school and this simply shouldn't be happening to her. Im so mad that she has to deal with this. We are out of money, we are paying for EVERYTHING out of pocket as we are simply drowning. We can't afford her counseling and I shake my head in anger at this whole thing.
Second...Isaac. He is on medication and his Rx is due. $180.00 on top of everything else. We are having to make decisions on which child to pay for, and again, this isn't fair.
Third...Me. Last week Chemo knocked me down for 3 days. On the 4th, I was totally fine. I was weak, fatigue and nautious. I thought I had the flu but it wasn't. I am not sure why its treating me this way, but its not good for my mind and my spirit and it just frustrates me. Each week I react differently and I can't pin point the reason.
Finally, our family in general. This of course is weighing on us and we are just trusting in the Lord that all this need will be provided for. I didn't ask for these cards. They were dealt to me. I could easily lie and get insurance but I choose not to do that. That is not what defines me. I want to do things in the Image of Christ and I hold onto his promise.
Please keep us in your prayers. Paying for the cost of chemo and the effects it has on our kids is more than we can handle. We simply need the presence of God to overwhelm us and the peace that only He can offer.
Thank you for supporting me and my family through this journey that (at this moment) sucks.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Update on Bella
First, I just want to say thank you to everyone that has been praying for Bella.
If you are not on Facebook or just haven't been following, I wanted to give you an update on why we were even requesting prayer.
Over the past year, Bella has become withdrawn from family and friends. Her anxiety has been rising each day and she becomes very distressed in situations that she is not comfortable with.
I put it aside trying to justify why she is feeling the way she is feeling. "Well I had cancer, and of course she is anxious" however she got worse and when we started noticing that she wouldn't go over her friends houses or even family, we knew that it wasn't just going to "go away".
Recently I got a call from her teacher and the anxiety is taking over at school as well also noticing that each time she did have "butterflies in her belly" she broke out in this rash. This is when we knew we had to take action and call on the doctor.
We saw her pediatrician and she has a type of eczema that is caused by stress. We talked awhile about the changes in the house and her actions and our doctor referred us to a play therapist.
Bella saw the therapist for the first time yesterday. She is great and we really like her and her plan of action. We met for 30 minutes then she played with Bella for 30. Next time Bella will have the full hour. The tears finally came running down my face as I knew this was serious for Bella.
I felt a sense of frustration from this whole thing because I had my counseling. I am on the road of recovering emotionally from this terrible disease and I have found things in my life that are making me happy so that I am not obsessing over Cancer 24/7.
A year later as I am on the road to healing, my baby girl, is just starting to mourn. That frustrates me that this had to happen. She is so tender, so soft hearted and she is full of love. She puts out a ray of sunshine (in my book) and for her to get so sick and break out from stress at the age of 7, a year after I have been diagnosed, puts a whole new frustration on Cancer. I hate it.
As the therapist and I talked through this, she made me realize (after being in denial) that Bella is afraid that I will die. She can not see that I am healing. She still sees me on chemo and she saw everything I went through. Sometimes I can't even see the light at the age of 32. Can you imagine the mind of a 7 year old?
After talking about the way she is with me and her obsessiveness with art, we were able to pinpoint some things that will help the healing process.
Bella has to go weekly which as you can imagine is a huge strain on us financially. This week alone we paid over $180.00 just for Bella not including my medical costs and it will be $70.00 each week. This thing about having no insurance really sucks. Plain and simple. We are barely keeping her head above water with our daily bills let alone medical bills and have exhausted all resources.
We are asking for you to pray for Cory and his job. We are pleading with God for the Hospital to call soon so that our finances can get headed in the right direction and we can have some INSURANCE!!!!!!
We know that Bella is a priority and we know that God will take care of her and the cost of the therapy. We are trusting that this will all soon come to an end and we can live without the stress of medical costs.
Thank you for posting sweet notes of encouragement and text messages. We are surrounded by amazing people and we Give God all the Glory for all things that are done. Thank you for being the hands and feet of God.
If you are not on Facebook or just haven't been following, I wanted to give you an update on why we were even requesting prayer.
Over the past year, Bella has become withdrawn from family and friends. Her anxiety has been rising each day and she becomes very distressed in situations that she is not comfortable with.
I put it aside trying to justify why she is feeling the way she is feeling. "Well I had cancer, and of course she is anxious" however she got worse and when we started noticing that she wouldn't go over her friends houses or even family, we knew that it wasn't just going to "go away".
Recently I got a call from her teacher and the anxiety is taking over at school as well also noticing that each time she did have "butterflies in her belly" she broke out in this rash. This is when we knew we had to take action and call on the doctor.
We saw her pediatrician and she has a type of eczema that is caused by stress. We talked awhile about the changes in the house and her actions and our doctor referred us to a play therapist.
Bella saw the therapist for the first time yesterday. She is great and we really like her and her plan of action. We met for 30 minutes then she played with Bella for 30. Next time Bella will have the full hour. The tears finally came running down my face as I knew this was serious for Bella.
I felt a sense of frustration from this whole thing because I had my counseling. I am on the road of recovering emotionally from this terrible disease and I have found things in my life that are making me happy so that I am not obsessing over Cancer 24/7.
A year later as I am on the road to healing, my baby girl, is just starting to mourn. That frustrates me that this had to happen. She is so tender, so soft hearted and she is full of love. She puts out a ray of sunshine (in my book) and for her to get so sick and break out from stress at the age of 7, a year after I have been diagnosed, puts a whole new frustration on Cancer. I hate it.
As the therapist and I talked through this, she made me realize (after being in denial) that Bella is afraid that I will die. She can not see that I am healing. She still sees me on chemo and she saw everything I went through. Sometimes I can't even see the light at the age of 32. Can you imagine the mind of a 7 year old?
After talking about the way she is with me and her obsessiveness with art, we were able to pinpoint some things that will help the healing process.
Bella has to go weekly which as you can imagine is a huge strain on us financially. This week alone we paid over $180.00 just for Bella not including my medical costs and it will be $70.00 each week. This thing about having no insurance really sucks. Plain and simple. We are barely keeping her head above water with our daily bills let alone medical bills and have exhausted all resources.
We are asking for you to pray for Cory and his job. We are pleading with God for the Hospital to call soon so that our finances can get headed in the right direction and we can have some INSURANCE!!!!!!
We know that Bella is a priority and we know that God will take care of her and the cost of the therapy. We are trusting that this will all soon come to an end and we can live without the stress of medical costs.
Thank you for posting sweet notes of encouragement and text messages. We are surrounded by amazing people and we Give God all the Glory for all things that are done. Thank you for being the hands and feet of God.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Life Is......
PRETTY GOOD I MUST SAY!
Well, just to write about my journey at this point.
Its October 16th 2011 (in case you didn't know) & where was I at this time last year? At my Oncologist office learning of my start date for my first round of Chemo Therapy. I also got my hair cut short this day last year so I had an easy transition when I lost my hair.
See.....
The other day I baked 3 new flavors. Triple Lemon with buttercream, Avocado Delight and Jalepeno with Cream Cheese Frosting. I was in the kitchen for many many hours. After we cleaned up and the kids went to bed, I plopped on the couch with Cory and rested in his arms. I said "I am wore out" and he said "but I love seeing you happy." I asked him to elaborate on that statement a bit ( I need details) and he told me how happy I looked when baking, and that he hasn't seen me this way in a long time. Like I found my purpose again.
Even though I was exhausted, he was right. I did find a purpose and I could give back somehow.
Im happy and honestly I haven't been thinking about cancer too much. Its here of course, I do have chemo every Monday, I can't really take it out of my vocabulary just yet, however I have found something that has given me joy in a way that I haven't felt in a long time.
Thank You God for getting me through this year. Thank you God for allowing me to start this business during my journey! Thank you God for allowing me to be a SURVIVOR through this all!
Well, just to write about my journey at this point.
Its October 16th 2011 (in case you didn't know) & where was I at this time last year? At my Oncologist office learning of my start date for my first round of Chemo Therapy. I also got my hair cut short this day last year so I had an easy transition when I lost my hair.
See.....
That is just so crazy! I can't believe it has been this long. Wow, Im pretty happy with where I am at right now.
So...where am I at 12 months later?
Im doing well. Feeling well. My doctor changed my Chemo regime a bit. I now get my Herceptin over 45 minutes instead of 30 because some other patients complained that it was causing them fatigue and since I was complaining of the same thing, they tried something new. It worked! I came home last week and felt great! I do have some early signs of lymph edema. Which is definitly something you want to watch out for. I am going to see a Physical Therapist to talk about preventive measures. My mother in law ordered me a sleeve that will help with pain and swelling. I am also going to see a GI doctor and possibly a colonoscopy. Are you jealous? :)
Other than that, I guess you can say Im healthy. My hair is growing rapidly. I can't manage it and I have no idea what to do with it. I need a haircut. LOL Thats fun. Here is a picture that was taken about a month ago. Its grown a lot more since then. LOL Its curly in the back. I asked God to give me curly BLONDE hair. He must have not heard me correctly. :)
Other than my hair growing back in crazy curls and wild, I have also started my own Cupcake Business. Yes...I know! Crazy as that sounds, but I did it. Im officially in. I delivered my first BIG ORDER of 150 cupcakes tonight to a 65th Birthday Party. Over 130 people will be tasting my cupcakes so hopefully the business will blossom.
Here is a picture of the Logo & First Delivery Display
The other day I baked 3 new flavors. Triple Lemon with buttercream, Avocado Delight and Jalepeno with Cream Cheese Frosting. I was in the kitchen for many many hours. After we cleaned up and the kids went to bed, I plopped on the couch with Cory and rested in his arms. I said "I am wore out" and he said "but I love seeing you happy." I asked him to elaborate on that statement a bit ( I need details) and he told me how happy I looked when baking, and that he hasn't seen me this way in a long time. Like I found my purpose again.
Even though I was exhausted, he was right. I did find a purpose and I could give back somehow.
Im happy and honestly I haven't been thinking about cancer too much. Its here of course, I do have chemo every Monday, I can't really take it out of my vocabulary just yet, however I have found something that has given me joy in a way that I haven't felt in a long time.
Thank You God for getting me through this year. Thank you God for allowing me to start this business during my journey! Thank you God for allowing me to be a SURVIVOR through this all!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Dr. Admire & I have come to the end of the road......
I have always imagined boobs, Botox and bamboo to be in my life for awhile, however today was the last time that Dr. Admire and I need to meet unless there is a concern down the road.
I never thought this day would come. We have had a rough journey together to be honest. Double Mastectomy, Blown Boob (AKA Hematoma), Reconstruction (Unhappy camper) and another reconstruction (Happy Camper). I have yelled a bit, cried a lot, asked him why he was #1 in AMERICA, however my boobs look like this! Told him to not leave the operating table until he knew I would be satisfied, I questioned his every move, We laughed, I told him Thank You from the bottom of my heart and today we looked at each other and said "well this is it, looks great, you are free to get your "tattoo's" and let me know if you have any concerns!"
Wow! So...being that he mentioned tattoo's his "tattoo guy" was in the office working on a patient so he asked the man and the patient if I could come in and watch and ask questions. They both agreed. LOL. Its amazing how your modesty flies out the window after Breast Cancer. Well I am still modest, just not as freaked out anymore. LOL
So I went in and talked with the nurse/Tattoo man and asked a bunch of questions. The woman in the chair was a breast cancer patient (obviously). Her doctor found the lump which was only 1cm however had spread to her lymph nodes. She opted for a double mastectomy because of many reasons. She had her final surgery in May, had nipple reconstruction and now is getting the final touches. We talked and had some things in common. Her husband and I talked most of the time while she was being worked on. Awkward? A bit, but I put those weird thoughts out of my head.
I was in there for about 45 minutes and she was definitely feeling some pain even though we don't have much feeling. The nerves were pinching away from the site, but caused from the tattoos. So, some topical ointment went on and she felt much better.
He even gave me some ointment to put on an hour before my appointment so I wouldn't feel a thing.
After he finished one side, I had to go, and told him I would see him soon. Wow! I always said I wouldn't get anymore tattoo's but...HEY! Here we are!
I will be getting mine probably in December. They are not covered under Insurance which doesn't matter because I dont have any LOL and they are $300.00 (Lifetime warranty though) I know, you are laughing....but if you have a tattoo, does your artist offer that??? :)~
Anyway, the budget isn't allowing this to happen just yet, so we need to save and once we do, I go in and Im done!!! I can't wait for that to be over and to move on!
This Sunday, I decided to walk with Team Admire in the Susan G Komen walk. I have several reasons why I chose his team over many others but after today, I think its a great ending to a new beginning!
Regardless of my ill feelings over the past year, He gave me something that cancer took away. I have to be thankful!
I never thought this day would come. We have had a rough journey together to be honest. Double Mastectomy, Blown Boob (AKA Hematoma), Reconstruction (Unhappy camper) and another reconstruction (Happy Camper). I have yelled a bit, cried a lot, asked him why he was #1 in AMERICA, however my boobs look like this! Told him to not leave the operating table until he knew I would be satisfied, I questioned his every move, We laughed, I told him Thank You from the bottom of my heart and today we looked at each other and said "well this is it, looks great, you are free to get your "tattoo's" and let me know if you have any concerns!"
Wow! So...being that he mentioned tattoo's his "tattoo guy" was in the office working on a patient so he asked the man and the patient if I could come in and watch and ask questions. They both agreed. LOL. Its amazing how your modesty flies out the window after Breast Cancer. Well I am still modest, just not as freaked out anymore. LOL
So I went in and talked with the nurse/Tattoo man and asked a bunch of questions. The woman in the chair was a breast cancer patient (obviously). Her doctor found the lump which was only 1cm however had spread to her lymph nodes. She opted for a double mastectomy because of many reasons. She had her final surgery in May, had nipple reconstruction and now is getting the final touches. We talked and had some things in common. Her husband and I talked most of the time while she was being worked on. Awkward? A bit, but I put those weird thoughts out of my head.
I was in there for about 45 minutes and she was definitely feeling some pain even though we don't have much feeling. The nerves were pinching away from the site, but caused from the tattoos. So, some topical ointment went on and she felt much better.
He even gave me some ointment to put on an hour before my appointment so I wouldn't feel a thing.
After he finished one side, I had to go, and told him I would see him soon. Wow! I always said I wouldn't get anymore tattoo's but...HEY! Here we are!
I will be getting mine probably in December. They are not covered under Insurance which doesn't matter because I dont have any LOL and they are $300.00 (Lifetime warranty though) I know, you are laughing....but if you have a tattoo, does your artist offer that??? :)~
Anyway, the budget isn't allowing this to happen just yet, so we need to save and once we do, I go in and Im done!!! I can't wait for that to be over and to move on!
This Sunday, I decided to walk with Team Admire in the Susan G Komen walk. I have several reasons why I chose his team over many others but after today, I think its a great ending to a new beginning!
Regardless of my ill feelings over the past year, He gave me something that cancer took away. I have to be thankful!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
A quick Getaway......
I am so stoked for a few reasons. Being that the kids are on Fall Break and its still 104 degrees outside, the amount of things we can do here are limited. Bella did win a pass to Golfland at school for awesome behavior and attitude and she would like to claim that before she goes back to school so that might be happening next week before she returns so she can get her reward that she deserves.
Other than that there are no plans for us during this break. Normally we like to take some type of overnighter to get away but with the finances the way they are it doesn't seem doable.
However after carrying a heavy burden these past few days, I finally texted Cory and said "is there anyway we can get away to clear our minds". Lots of things are happening around the Bagby home and in our personal lives and its coming to a point when you can feel your body just moving through the day because there is no other way you can go.
I said "we have food, and gas so lets just drive up and camp it out" Whatever it takes, I wanted quality time away from drama, selfishness, guilt, reality, electronics, media, cupcakes LOL, and homework. I just needed to recharge and refocus my brain.
Cory found a free campground on Mt Lemon and so we thought we would just get away to the elevated climate and cool off a bit. However we were fortunate enough to have a call from our friends with a cabin and offered us the time away there. All we need is food, a few fishing poles and a good book. Oh, how Im craving coffee on the brisk morning with the sounds of nothing but nature.
Our original plan was to go to Chemo on Monday and leave from there and I would deal with the faitque up there and just push my way through it for my family, however I decided to call my oncologist and leave her a message telling her my situation, and being honest and said "I need a break from my weekly treatments, I need to refocus and get recharged" and I feel I begged my way through (even though Im sure I didn't). I got a call back a few minutes later and they gave me the Pass from chemo for the week and was told to "enjoy my time off". I cried! I was so thankful! Thank you Dr. Obenchain!
I just have to say Praise God, Praise God, Praise God! For you teachers out there, that have school year round, I want you to imagine the way you feel the last week of school. You are just getting through that week and your body, your mind can taste your two week vacation. Thats how I feel, however I have 7 months left of chemo and I JUST NEED A BREAK! These past few weeks, we are facing issues in our home after a chemo day, mulitple doctors visits, pouring out finances and I just want to focus on my husband and my two kids for a couple of days and not think about cancer, the infusions, the medical costs or anything else that causes stress.
Im so grateful to escape because I know reality will be here when we return. But for now...Im counting the hours down to a place that will clear my mind and rejoice in what God is doing even in the midst of a storm.
Other than that there are no plans for us during this break. Normally we like to take some type of overnighter to get away but with the finances the way they are it doesn't seem doable.
However after carrying a heavy burden these past few days, I finally texted Cory and said "is there anyway we can get away to clear our minds". Lots of things are happening around the Bagby home and in our personal lives and its coming to a point when you can feel your body just moving through the day because there is no other way you can go.
I said "we have food, and gas so lets just drive up and camp it out" Whatever it takes, I wanted quality time away from drama, selfishness, guilt, reality, electronics, media, cupcakes LOL, and homework. I just needed to recharge and refocus my brain.
Cory found a free campground on Mt Lemon and so we thought we would just get away to the elevated climate and cool off a bit. However we were fortunate enough to have a call from our friends with a cabin and offered us the time away there. All we need is food, a few fishing poles and a good book. Oh, how Im craving coffee on the brisk morning with the sounds of nothing but nature.
Our original plan was to go to Chemo on Monday and leave from there and I would deal with the faitque up there and just push my way through it for my family, however I decided to call my oncologist and leave her a message telling her my situation, and being honest and said "I need a break from my weekly treatments, I need to refocus and get recharged" and I feel I begged my way through (even though Im sure I didn't). I got a call back a few minutes later and they gave me the Pass from chemo for the week and was told to "enjoy my time off". I cried! I was so thankful! Thank you Dr. Obenchain!
I just have to say Praise God, Praise God, Praise God! For you teachers out there, that have school year round, I want you to imagine the way you feel the last week of school. You are just getting through that week and your body, your mind can taste your two week vacation. Thats how I feel, however I have 7 months left of chemo and I JUST NEED A BREAK! These past few weeks, we are facing issues in our home after a chemo day, mulitple doctors visits, pouring out finances and I just want to focus on my husband and my two kids for a couple of days and not think about cancer, the infusions, the medical costs or anything else that causes stress.
Im so grateful to escape because I know reality will be here when we return. But for now...Im counting the hours down to a place that will clear my mind and rejoice in what God is doing even in the midst of a storm.
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