It was so nice to get away but its always so nice to come home too. My favorite part about being home is being in my own bed. Last night as we were drifting off to bed I said to Cory "remember when you said, "Home is where the heart is?" Well, my heart is right here in my bed." LOL There is nothing like your own bed. Especially when its a King size. :)
We did have a great time though. Thanks again to Cory's family for making that happen!
The drive up there was great. Kids were saints. I think the amount of electronics and toys really helped us out. After our night stay in Vegas and bleaching our eyes out from the things we saw we headed to Winnemucca, NV.
We had a blast. We didn't even do much but its so cold up there and cozy in the house that you just feel homey. LOL. We sledded, 4 wheeled, built a snowman, threw snowballs, built a fire from toilet paper and wood, celebrated Cory's 35th Birthday and best of all? Enjoyed eachothers company.
We were sad to go home, but of course all fun has to end sometime.
We were blessed by the trip and now we focus on getting through Christmas and starting out this new Year with a great big HEALTHY & SUCCESSFUL BANG!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
What Happens in Vegas...Stays in Vegas
Last night we had the pleasure of visiting Cory’s family in Las Vegas. We got to meet his 2nd cousins. Kayden (4) Sierra (2) & Matthew (14 mths) We hung out with Jamie and Cora and chatted about old times as we haven’t seen each other in at least 6 years. We had a BBQ then headed out into the cold city of Las Vegas.
My goal for the night was to take the family to the strip and see the water fountain show at the Bellagio and maybe head into NY NY to get an image of my roots. LOL.
As we drove onto the strip the kids were amazed at the lights and all the activity that was going on. Being that Cory grew up in Vegas, Cory was talking about how much its changed. That got Isaac’s wheels turning. We were trying to explain the atmosphere to him but we were having a hard time putting our words together. Finally, our 10 yr old out did us and said “Dad, is it like the weeds?” We both looked at each other in fear and said “Son, what do you mean?” Of course we were scared of what he was about to say but we were thankful when he finished and said “The parable of the weeds and the wheat” We looked at each other once again and smiled and said “yes Isaac, that’s a good comparison.” We are so thankful that our kids reflect life situations with God’s word. I praise God for that.
We watched the fountain show at the Bellagio to the theme song of Titanic. It was awesome of course and I felt like I was standing right at the front of the boat with Leonardo DiCaprio. LOL..not really but it was worth it.
We walked through the Bellagio which is beautiful of course. They have a garden which is decorated for Harvest. Pumpkins made out of roses and tons of gourds and scarecrows. It was so pretty. The kids loved it.
In order to get from the Bellagio to NY NY it was more of a hassle to drive and I could see NY NY from where we started so I thought…lets just walk the strip even after I was warned to stay in the car LOL (Pastor Kevin)
We walked into the Cosmo which was actually pretty cool. Very Cosmopolitan. I’m sure that Hotel is a girly girls favorite. Especially walking in and seeing the red high heel stiletto. They had a pink chandelier that I want for my house. LOL It’s super cute.
As we moved from the Bellagio to NY NY I thought maybe Isaac and Cory could ride the rollercoaster, but at $14.00 a person that was NOT happening. So we played some video games and I won Isaac & Bella 700 tickets (You can win tickets with the claw..amazing) and I won Bella “Clumsy smurf”. I just have to say, I have mad skills at the claw. I haven’t lost yet. My kids think Im a hero.
We then took our hike to NY NY. Oh boy….this is where my title of “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”comes from because I want to leave all the nasty stuff there and not with me. Honestly, all Cory and I could do last night was pray for the things that happen down there.
Some may agree or disagree but since this is my blog, I get to plug in my point. Vegas has so much to offer for sight seers however, the garbage that is filtered through just gets in the way. When talking with Cory’s cousin she was saying that there really isn’t much to do for young families and I can see why. They are so wrapped up in the product which I get, but it makes it hard for young families to find things to do when you live there.
We didn’t walk far. Maybe 10 minutes however I had Cory behind me, warning me not to let the kids look down. Of course as soon as I heard that I looked down just to find business cards of women soliciting themselves. There were workers on EVERY corner in sweatshirts that said GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS handing out these cards. Just to make it better in case you didn’t take the card, they now have a new promotion plan which includes someone driving around a “billboard” truck with the images on the side and they just drive slowly up and down the strip. So as you are stopping to take a picture, you turn around and WHAM….in your face. You look up to the amazing lights of the hotels just to find large screens flashing the entertainment. I walked with both my kids under my arm and just talked about how cool the fountain show was, however everything is just so noticeable, its hard not to ask questions especially when your 10. We walked across a bridge, and there were 3 or 4 people, probably early 20’s. They were all playing an instrument or singing and they had a cardboard sign that said “Need $$ for weed” I stopped and looked at them, laughed and said “can I take a picture of your sign” LOL I couldn’t help myself. Cory and the kids were further down from me and I told him to stay there since I was the only who noticed it. Then a few feet down there were two people sleeping on the floor in fetal position since it was so cold. Then the questions started. “Mom, why is he sleeping there?” “Well, Isaac, he could be homeless, not having anywhere to go.” “Wow, that sucks.” Yes it sure does.
Then he noticed tons of people with the famous Las Vegas cups. The ones that is forever big and filled to the rim with their favorite drink of choice. For a 10 year old that seems like a pretty cool cup. Isaac kept asking for one. He wanted to fill it up with soda. Well…sure I would love to fill it up with a Caramel macchiato. LOL. I tried to explain that those cups weren’t for us to buy. Adults were buying them. He couldn’t understand it.
The questions kept coming and coming as we took every step. We had been in vegas 9 years ago and I can tell you that its not the same. Its 10x worse than it was. Its on every corner. That’s the sad part. I think of these girls. They are someone’s daughter. I think of all the people that have to be subjected to that and the images that stick in their head. It makes my heart sad and I now understand when I see the posts from people that live in Vegas wanting to save it. Media calls it SIN CITY for a reason.
This morning Isaac asked us about gambling since last night we could walk through the casino’s as long as we stayed on the path. You can’t really dodge the casinos when you are walking through the hotel. We didn’t talk much about it last night, but I guess it just took him awhile to process it. So this morning as we were eating breakfast we talked about gambling and how it can become addicting and sometimes gets people in trouble. He said “maybe the guy sleeping on the floor last night lost all his money at the machines” Yup, maybe he did.
So needless to say, last night we had to wash our brains of the crap we had to see and I am thankful to begin our drive to the small town of Winnemucca. Mountains, 4 wheelers and family time is more of my thing. If I don’t see the strip again….I can’t say I will be sad.
My goal for the night was to take the family to the strip and see the water fountain show at the Bellagio and maybe head into NY NY to get an image of my roots. LOL.
As we drove onto the strip the kids were amazed at the lights and all the activity that was going on. Being that Cory grew up in Vegas, Cory was talking about how much its changed. That got Isaac’s wheels turning. We were trying to explain the atmosphere to him but we were having a hard time putting our words together. Finally, our 10 yr old out did us and said “Dad, is it like the weeds?” We both looked at each other in fear and said “Son, what do you mean?” Of course we were scared of what he was about to say but we were thankful when he finished and said “The parable of the weeds and the wheat” We looked at each other once again and smiled and said “yes Isaac, that’s a good comparison.” We are so thankful that our kids reflect life situations with God’s word. I praise God for that.
We watched the fountain show at the Bellagio to the theme song of Titanic. It was awesome of course and I felt like I was standing right at the front of the boat with Leonardo DiCaprio. LOL..not really but it was worth it.
We walked through the Bellagio which is beautiful of course. They have a garden which is decorated for Harvest. Pumpkins made out of roses and tons of gourds and scarecrows. It was so pretty. The kids loved it.
In order to get from the Bellagio to NY NY it was more of a hassle to drive and I could see NY NY from where we started so I thought…lets just walk the strip even after I was warned to stay in the car LOL (Pastor Kevin)
We walked into the Cosmo which was actually pretty cool. Very Cosmopolitan. I’m sure that Hotel is a girly girls favorite. Especially walking in and seeing the red high heel stiletto. They had a pink chandelier that I want for my house. LOL It’s super cute.
As we moved from the Bellagio to NY NY I thought maybe Isaac and Cory could ride the rollercoaster, but at $14.00 a person that was NOT happening. So we played some video games and I won Isaac & Bella 700 tickets (You can win tickets with the claw..amazing) and I won Bella “Clumsy smurf”. I just have to say, I have mad skills at the claw. I haven’t lost yet. My kids think Im a hero.
We then took our hike to NY NY. Oh boy….this is where my title of “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”comes from because I want to leave all the nasty stuff there and not with me. Honestly, all Cory and I could do last night was pray for the things that happen down there.
Some may agree or disagree but since this is my blog, I get to plug in my point. Vegas has so much to offer for sight seers however, the garbage that is filtered through just gets in the way. When talking with Cory’s cousin she was saying that there really isn’t much to do for young families and I can see why. They are so wrapped up in the product which I get, but it makes it hard for young families to find things to do when you live there.
We didn’t walk far. Maybe 10 minutes however I had Cory behind me, warning me not to let the kids look down. Of course as soon as I heard that I looked down just to find business cards of women soliciting themselves. There were workers on EVERY corner in sweatshirts that said GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS handing out these cards. Just to make it better in case you didn’t take the card, they now have a new promotion plan which includes someone driving around a “billboard” truck with the images on the side and they just drive slowly up and down the strip. So as you are stopping to take a picture, you turn around and WHAM….in your face. You look up to the amazing lights of the hotels just to find large screens flashing the entertainment. I walked with both my kids under my arm and just talked about how cool the fountain show was, however everything is just so noticeable, its hard not to ask questions especially when your 10. We walked across a bridge, and there were 3 or 4 people, probably early 20’s. They were all playing an instrument or singing and they had a cardboard sign that said “Need $$ for weed” I stopped and looked at them, laughed and said “can I take a picture of your sign” LOL I couldn’t help myself. Cory and the kids were further down from me and I told him to stay there since I was the only who noticed it. Then a few feet down there were two people sleeping on the floor in fetal position since it was so cold. Then the questions started. “Mom, why is he sleeping there?” “Well, Isaac, he could be homeless, not having anywhere to go.” “Wow, that sucks.” Yes it sure does.
Then he noticed tons of people with the famous Las Vegas cups. The ones that is forever big and filled to the rim with their favorite drink of choice. For a 10 year old that seems like a pretty cool cup. Isaac kept asking for one. He wanted to fill it up with soda. Well…sure I would love to fill it up with a Caramel macchiato. LOL. I tried to explain that those cups weren’t for us to buy. Adults were buying them. He couldn’t understand it.
The questions kept coming and coming as we took every step. We had been in vegas 9 years ago and I can tell you that its not the same. Its 10x worse than it was. Its on every corner. That’s the sad part. I think of these girls. They are someone’s daughter. I think of all the people that have to be subjected to that and the images that stick in their head. It makes my heart sad and I now understand when I see the posts from people that live in Vegas wanting to save it. Media calls it SIN CITY for a reason.
This morning Isaac asked us about gambling since last night we could walk through the casino’s as long as we stayed on the path. You can’t really dodge the casinos when you are walking through the hotel. We didn’t talk much about it last night, but I guess it just took him awhile to process it. So this morning as we were eating breakfast we talked about gambling and how it can become addicting and sometimes gets people in trouble. He said “maybe the guy sleeping on the floor last night lost all his money at the machines” Yup, maybe he did.
So needless to say, last night we had to wash our brains of the crap we had to see and I am thankful to begin our drive to the small town of Winnemucca. Mountains, 4 wheelers and family time is more of my thing. If I don’t see the strip again….I can’t say I will be sad.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Nevada Bound
I am taking a break from all the packing. Going from 75 degrees to 40 degrees requires a lot of "extra's".
We were blessed by Cory's family to take a trip to Winnemucca, NV for Thanksgiving. We couldn't have done it without their help! During this week of giving thanks, we are definitly GIVING THANKS to them. :)
We are driving up to Northern Nevada. Cory's parents live 3 1/2 hours north of Reno. Snow is in the forecast for Thanksgiving Day. WOOT WOOT
We are excited to ride the 4 wheelers in the snow and up the mountain. My in-laws have a house in a cul-de-sac that sits right on the W mountain. Its free reign for us and we are excited to take advantage of that. Bella is fine with riding with me on the 4 wheeler. Isaac on the other hand...I might have to keep a tight rope otherwise he will get out of control. LOL
During the week our plans consists of lounging around, getting in some major Gma & Gpa time, celebrating Cory's 35th Birthday, smoking a HUGE bird on the weber over fruit tree wood, sipping hot cocoa, riding 4 wheelers, and best of all? Making memories with the family.
Cory's mom is a 5 year breast cancer survivor. Even though I am still on chemo, I am excited to share our survivorship together. To be together for thanksgiving, away from all the doctors and tests and medicine? What a great thing to be thankful for.
I can't wait to post pics of our vacation. Of course FB will be a popular thing since we will be driving for 12 hours. We do get to break up the trip by staying the night in Vegas at Cory's cousin's house. That will be a big help to get the kids to waste some energy before we hit the long road on Tuesday morning. We got the Laptop, Ipad, IShuffle, crayons, coloring books, travel games, and movies all set to go.
Now I just need to come up with a good threat to the kids about hearing "are we there yet."
4 wheelers might be an option. :)
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
We were blessed by Cory's family to take a trip to Winnemucca, NV for Thanksgiving. We couldn't have done it without their help! During this week of giving thanks, we are definitly GIVING THANKS to them. :)
We are driving up to Northern Nevada. Cory's parents live 3 1/2 hours north of Reno. Snow is in the forecast for Thanksgiving Day. WOOT WOOT
We are excited to ride the 4 wheelers in the snow and up the mountain. My in-laws have a house in a cul-de-sac that sits right on the W mountain. Its free reign for us and we are excited to take advantage of that. Bella is fine with riding with me on the 4 wheeler. Isaac on the other hand...I might have to keep a tight rope otherwise he will get out of control. LOL
During the week our plans consists of lounging around, getting in some major Gma & Gpa time, celebrating Cory's 35th Birthday, smoking a HUGE bird on the weber over fruit tree wood, sipping hot cocoa, riding 4 wheelers, and best of all? Making memories with the family.
Cory's mom is a 5 year breast cancer survivor. Even though I am still on chemo, I am excited to share our survivorship together. To be together for thanksgiving, away from all the doctors and tests and medicine? What a great thing to be thankful for.
I can't wait to post pics of our vacation. Of course FB will be a popular thing since we will be driving for 12 hours. We do get to break up the trip by staying the night in Vegas at Cory's cousin's house. That will be a big help to get the kids to waste some energy before we hit the long road on Tuesday morning. We got the Laptop, Ipad, IShuffle, crayons, coloring books, travel games, and movies all set to go.
Now I just need to come up with a good threat to the kids about hearing "are we there yet."
4 wheelers might be an option. :)
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Praises and Prayers
I always want to add something good on my blog so it doesn't always seem like a drama set. However, I am dramatic. LOL Im kidding...but I know some agree. HaHa.
Anyway GREAT NEWS...Isaac got his VERY first audition tomorrow afternoon for a GOODWILL commercial. His part is about a boy giving up his teddy bear to GOODWILL so that another child can enjoy what was once a special friend to him. I am so excited. I am not getting my hopes up as he has NEVER done this, however I am still a proud mom that they considered him for the part. He is very excited and actually very calm. I would be a basket case (AKA DRAMATIC) LOL...but he is very mellow and confident. I am not sure how he would react if he doesn't get it, he really has never been let down in that capacity before so this could be an interesting moment in our lives. He fits the part for the request of the commerical, however he does lack the experience and training so in comparison with other kids, that will work against him. But that doesn't mean he wont get it..so we are praying for Him, that he does his best and whatever is meant to happen, happens. Just to go and experience that whole side of the world is going to be fascinating for me. I imagine myself sitting in the waiting room (not even sure if I am imagining this correctly) wondering how he is doing for the audition, if he goes into another room, or if I can be in the same room and view from afar. Ahhh..I can feel my controlling self coming out. LOL
His audition is at 3:15 so if you read this..can you say a prayer for Him? Just that he doesn't get nervous and does his best and whatever the result is, his spirit never gets weak from turn downs.
Im hoping he doesn't cough his way through the audition. Its mostly acting, no speaking parts so that will be good. LOL. Before the audition we are taking him to the doctor to get checked out since he has had a cough for a week now. So no school, just me and my boy. A fun day ahead. I can't wait to post the results. We will know on Wednesday if he gets a call back. :)
Another exciting note, I received my very first haircut since my new hair growth. It was a bit nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time. I got it cut alot off the back since the curls were taking over my head and I was looking like a chia pet, but now my top mop can catch up to my sides. :) My mom wanted me to put the hair from the cut into a baggie to save. Crazy I know, but that is my mom, however I didn't do it. Sorry mom. :)
My last news..is just for prayer for Bella. We had an incident (nothing major) at therapy last week and its between the therapist and myself but we are praying about making a move to a different therapist. So if you can please pray for that situation as it is not easy to take her out when she feels comfortable and is thanking God for therapy. I hate to change but there are some red flags going up in regards to the therapists beliefs and I don't know if that is the type of healing suggestions I want for my daughter. So please keep us in prayer.
We had the opportunity to pray for Bella at the alter today in church. Our Pastor and friend (Kevin) and Pastor Merritt (our friend too of course) anointed Bella and we (friends and family) laid hands on her for healing of her anxiety, worry and fear. It was very special for our family to have the support surrounding us for our little 7 yr old girl who struggles with anxiety. She asked me tonight "mom will this oil stay on my head forever?" LOL. It was really cute. We told her that the prayer will last forever, but no, eventually it will wash off. LOL
We talked about it this morning of what it meant to be anointed and I was so proud of her bravery to go up in front of the congregation and allow all of our hands to lay on her. Of course she snuggled into our bodies as more and more people came, but she pulled through like a champ! I love my church family and their support. Thank you so much for committing to pray for Bella. Even our teens from our youth group came up to lay hands on her. That meant so much to me!
Anyway, I am thankful today and excited about Isaac and the healing of my baby girl. Maybe my next post is "Isaac donates a teddy bear to GOODWILL" :)
Anyway GREAT NEWS...Isaac got his VERY first audition tomorrow afternoon for a GOODWILL commercial. His part is about a boy giving up his teddy bear to GOODWILL so that another child can enjoy what was once a special friend to him. I am so excited. I am not getting my hopes up as he has NEVER done this, however I am still a proud mom that they considered him for the part. He is very excited and actually very calm. I would be a basket case (AKA DRAMATIC) LOL...but he is very mellow and confident. I am not sure how he would react if he doesn't get it, he really has never been let down in that capacity before so this could be an interesting moment in our lives. He fits the part for the request of the commerical, however he does lack the experience and training so in comparison with other kids, that will work against him. But that doesn't mean he wont get it..so we are praying for Him, that he does his best and whatever is meant to happen, happens. Just to go and experience that whole side of the world is going to be fascinating for me. I imagine myself sitting in the waiting room (not even sure if I am imagining this correctly) wondering how he is doing for the audition, if he goes into another room, or if I can be in the same room and view from afar. Ahhh..I can feel my controlling self coming out. LOL
His audition is at 3:15 so if you read this..can you say a prayer for Him? Just that he doesn't get nervous and does his best and whatever the result is, his spirit never gets weak from turn downs.
Im hoping he doesn't cough his way through the audition. Its mostly acting, no speaking parts so that will be good. LOL. Before the audition we are taking him to the doctor to get checked out since he has had a cough for a week now. So no school, just me and my boy. A fun day ahead. I can't wait to post the results. We will know on Wednesday if he gets a call back. :)
Another exciting note, I received my very first haircut since my new hair growth. It was a bit nerve wracking and exciting all at the same time. I got it cut alot off the back since the curls were taking over my head and I was looking like a chia pet, but now my top mop can catch up to my sides. :) My mom wanted me to put the hair from the cut into a baggie to save. Crazy I know, but that is my mom, however I didn't do it. Sorry mom. :)
My last news..is just for prayer for Bella. We had an incident (nothing major) at therapy last week and its between the therapist and myself but we are praying about making a move to a different therapist. So if you can please pray for that situation as it is not easy to take her out when she feels comfortable and is thanking God for therapy. I hate to change but there are some red flags going up in regards to the therapists beliefs and I don't know if that is the type of healing suggestions I want for my daughter. So please keep us in prayer.
We had the opportunity to pray for Bella at the alter today in church. Our Pastor and friend (Kevin) and Pastor Merritt (our friend too of course) anointed Bella and we (friends and family) laid hands on her for healing of her anxiety, worry and fear. It was very special for our family to have the support surrounding us for our little 7 yr old girl who struggles with anxiety. She asked me tonight "mom will this oil stay on my head forever?" LOL. It was really cute. We told her that the prayer will last forever, but no, eventually it will wash off. LOL
We talked about it this morning of what it meant to be anointed and I was so proud of her bravery to go up in front of the congregation and allow all of our hands to lay on her. Of course she snuggled into our bodies as more and more people came, but she pulled through like a champ! I love my church family and their support. Thank you so much for committing to pray for Bella. Even our teens from our youth group came up to lay hands on her. That meant so much to me!
Anyway, I am thankful today and excited about Isaac and the healing of my baby girl. Maybe my next post is "Isaac donates a teddy bear to GOODWILL" :)
Monday, November 7, 2011
Please Please Please Pray
Im asking everyone that reads this to please pray for our family.
Several things are going on and we simply feel overwhelmed.
For one...Bella. Her anxiety is getting worse and she is actually praying for Bravery during bedtime prayers. A simple thing like tutoring after school has sent her into tears. She is anxious about the family being without her, she is anxious about being at school later than usual, she is anxious with her routine being messed up and anxious about us not being there in time to pick her up. Of course its on my chemo days that she has tutoring and I can never guarantee if I will be home on time. She was crying her eyes out this morning as she left for school and this simply shouldn't be happening to her. Im so mad that she has to deal with this. We are out of money, we are paying for EVERYTHING out of pocket as we are simply drowning. We can't afford her counseling and I shake my head in anger at this whole thing.
Second...Isaac. He is on medication and his Rx is due. $180.00 on top of everything else. We are having to make decisions on which child to pay for, and again, this isn't fair.
Third...Me. Last week Chemo knocked me down for 3 days. On the 4th, I was totally fine. I was weak, fatigue and nautious. I thought I had the flu but it wasn't. I am not sure why its treating me this way, but its not good for my mind and my spirit and it just frustrates me. Each week I react differently and I can't pin point the reason.
Finally, our family in general. This of course is weighing on us and we are just trusting in the Lord that all this need will be provided for. I didn't ask for these cards. They were dealt to me. I could easily lie and get insurance but I choose not to do that. That is not what defines me. I want to do things in the Image of Christ and I hold onto his promise.
Please keep us in your prayers. Paying for the cost of chemo and the effects it has on our kids is more than we can handle. We simply need the presence of God to overwhelm us and the peace that only He can offer.
Thank you for supporting me and my family through this journey that (at this moment) sucks.
Several things are going on and we simply feel overwhelmed.
For one...Bella. Her anxiety is getting worse and she is actually praying for Bravery during bedtime prayers. A simple thing like tutoring after school has sent her into tears. She is anxious about the family being without her, she is anxious about being at school later than usual, she is anxious with her routine being messed up and anxious about us not being there in time to pick her up. Of course its on my chemo days that she has tutoring and I can never guarantee if I will be home on time. She was crying her eyes out this morning as she left for school and this simply shouldn't be happening to her. Im so mad that she has to deal with this. We are out of money, we are paying for EVERYTHING out of pocket as we are simply drowning. We can't afford her counseling and I shake my head in anger at this whole thing.
Second...Isaac. He is on medication and his Rx is due. $180.00 on top of everything else. We are having to make decisions on which child to pay for, and again, this isn't fair.
Third...Me. Last week Chemo knocked me down for 3 days. On the 4th, I was totally fine. I was weak, fatigue and nautious. I thought I had the flu but it wasn't. I am not sure why its treating me this way, but its not good for my mind and my spirit and it just frustrates me. Each week I react differently and I can't pin point the reason.
Finally, our family in general. This of course is weighing on us and we are just trusting in the Lord that all this need will be provided for. I didn't ask for these cards. They were dealt to me. I could easily lie and get insurance but I choose not to do that. That is not what defines me. I want to do things in the Image of Christ and I hold onto his promise.
Please keep us in your prayers. Paying for the cost of chemo and the effects it has on our kids is more than we can handle. We simply need the presence of God to overwhelm us and the peace that only He can offer.
Thank you for supporting me and my family through this journey that (at this moment) sucks.
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