Saturday, July 30, 2011

July 30th 2011

I awoke this morning and I couldn't help but think about today. One year ago today, I heard those words that I never thought could be possible to hear. "You have Cancer." Its really crazy about the journey I have been on. Its been so scary yet so rewarding at the same time. Of course I have anxiety today because I am having flashbacks of those moments in the 24 hours of my diagnosis. The other day Cory and I went through pictures of when I was on heavy duty treatment. Bald with black circles under my eyes. I honestly don't remember being that bald. :) I guess that is a good thing.

The moments I remember most and the moments that cause me anxiety was the unknown. I had to wait over the weekend before even calling the breast surgeon. I just couldn't think straight. My head was spinning. I remember being home alone, mopping and crying. My mother in law calling me and I just sobbed on the floor. I remember my friends and family coming over to just sit with me and I also remember the thought of creating a blog and the name of it. I loved it and obviously stuck with it. My goal at that moment was to share my story with others so I can help them. Honestly....that isn't as easy as I thought it would be. Not the sharing part, but when I hear of someone waiting on results or actually hearing those words "positive cancer" my chest gets tight and I just want to crawl in bed. I thought I would be better at it, and maybe over time I will be. Yes, I will be. But right now, I think my wound is still too sore and each day I think "will cancer one day be the death of me"? Cory and I had a good talk the other night as we went down memory lane and we were honest with each other about one day the cancer coming back. I won't ignore the fact that its not possible. I had a 70% chance of my tumor being benign. I hopped over that percentage. I also had a higher percentage because I had no family history. I hopped over that too. 

I don't think its a bad thing to walk down memory lane, I believe its part of the healing process for me. And how could you forget that?

This past year sucked, I am not going to lie or sugar coat it. Yes, God worked and is continuing to work, but it was not easy. I definitely feel that I have been down the valley but I prayed that the light would come soon and its pretty bright.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" I can't say that enough because the only way I had the spirit to keep going is by the ONE that gave me the strength to pull through. I give Him all the Glory.

This morning, I was reading through my posts of that day and the day after, and I included them in this post, in case you met me way after the process and never went back to that day. I'm thankful I blogged and I remember each and every word typed into those two posts.

Today, I will not dwell in my sorrow, but rejoice in what God has done in the past year. And its ALL SO VERY GOOD.

July 30th 2010

I felt pain after the biopsy. I texted my husband asking him to come home early if he could. I was just so anxious, in pain and restless and I really wanted someone there with me. I went to pick the kids up from school at 3:45. We got home about 4:00 and started to settle in for the weekend. I had a friend that was coming by to adopt one of our kittens so I was sitting on the couch in the front room waiting for him to come. I started to play solitaire on my phone when it was interrupted by my husband calling me. I looked at the time 4:09 and my thought was "oh wow, he got to come home early". I answered the phone and I heard "Gabbee....we got your results in the office" (Cory works at my doctors office and the doctor gave him a choice to call me) and so I proceeded to say "Ok, and?" and he said "um, I got the results and um, the biopsy came back positive for cancer" I said "are you playing a joke on me?" My husband KNOWS better. :)

Anyway, my hands started trembling and my head was spinning and I felt like I was going to vomit. First....HOW did they get the results back in less than 24 hours and WHAT? I HAVE CANCER? I called my family and friends and within minutes I had dinner cooking, friends and family holding me, my house being cleaned, groceries being bought and I was just sitting. Spinning.

That night was crazy. I couldn't even think. My husband and I were up till 2am crying, praying, laughing and sitting in silence. We needed it. I finally fell asleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

July 31st 2010

Today sucked. I have been crying on and off all day and I dont know how I should feel. I got 4 hours of sleep last night and I was a zombie.

I mopped the floor and cried, I checked my facebook and cried. I would look at my husband and cry. I couldn't figure it all out. I was so tired that I just wanted to sleep, but my mind wont let me.

I thought that it would be a good idea to take the family out for a movie. So we went to go see "Toy Story 3". I couldn't concentrate. My anxiety was so obnoxious that I couldn't contain myself. I was shaking and Cory was just trying to hold me still.

I dont know what I am to feel right now, but I feel infected. I feel invaded. I feel anger at myself for not catching this sooner. I feel anger for not praying harder. I question every piece of food that I have put into my body, every drink, every piece of chocolate. Im obsessing and Im making myself crazy.

I took a sleeping pill just so I can sleep. Otherwise I will be the worst mother and wife in the world. I just love my kids but I am so irritable right now too. :(

Im going to try and get some sleep. Goodnight

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Fundraiser UPDATE

Hey Everyone! A BIG BIG BIG THANK YOU to everyone that came out to support our family at the Fundraiser on Saturday. We raised $3000 which covers 16 chemo treatments! I have a total of 33 left so Im halfway there. I am so thankful that I do not have to worry about that financial burden for the next 16 treatments! Thank you!!

Thank you to Sheer Bliss Salon for VOLUNTEERING their time and doing this for our family.

They are still doing a 50/50 raffle and donating a proceeds of services when you mention GABBEE at your appointment! This will help pay for the remainder of my treatments!

I can't say enough to that will allow you to know how grateful we are! I wish Thank you was enough but its not.

Thank you to all the business that donated items to be auctioned off! Thank you to everyone that walked in and donated to our family! Just all around THANK YOU!

Cards will be going out soon! I want to personally thank each and everyone of you!

With Love,

Friday, July 15, 2011

Silent Auction List is RELEASED! CHECK IT OUT!

Hi Everyone, (Please Pass this around to as many people as you can, or simply post it on your FB Wall)

As you know, Sheer Bliss Salon is hosting a Silent Auction on July 23rd from 10-1 @ Anthem Merrill Ranch. There are lots of items that will be auctioned off. Please spread the word around to everyone you know! I have included a list of items on Auction and as we get more I will update the list. I have also included some websites of where the items will be coming from so you can take a sneak peak.

As you know, I am now paying out of pocket for my chemo treatments and surgery. I desperatly need your help!

Items to be auctioned off.....

Chen's gift card$25.00

Uncle bears gift card$25.00

$100 cruise gift card (on 4day cruise)

1month free Curves membership

Handmade dress with matching bow

Hand drawn Purses -


Scentsy monkey -

Scentsy warmer set -

2 pieces of art

Certificate for a Custom Cake (Of your choice)


Certificate for Custom designed party invitations (Of your choice)


2 night stay in a One Bedroom Suite @ the Marriott. X2 -

Absence of time jewlery piece -!/absenceoftime?sk=wall

Gold Canyon Candles Basket

Art Piece donated by Arizona Sunsets -!/ArizonaSunsets

Carpet Cleaning up to 3 rooms By San Tan Carpet Cleaning (x2) -

We are doing 50/50 raffle all month, $1 per ticket, or 6 tickets for $5.

Scentsy all month

Mention GABBEE at Sheer Bliss Salon in Anthem and a percentage will go back to our family!

If you would like to add to our list, please email me at

Thank you so much in advance for your support during my Fight Against Breast Cancer!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Wow...Ok so where do I start?

My day has been filled with Trials and Blessings. I guess I will just start from the beginning.

This morning we sent Isaac off to Camp through Mosaic. Thank you for all the sponsors in helping him get to camp. I can't wait to hear my 10 year old tell me how God worked in his life this week.

After we sent him off, Bella and I drove off to Chandler to get Chemo. I had a Dr.'s appt at 9:40. Of course I got stuck behind a truck and arrived 10 minutes late. I was sitting in the waiting room waiting to be seen, pondering if I should even get chemo at this point because my surgery is scheduled for July 28th and I am not supposed to get chemo 2 weeks before chemo, but I have not heard from my Plastic surgeon of the charges so I didn't even know if the 28th was a reality. As I was sitting there, I got a phone call from the surgeons office and my out of pocket cost for surgery is $5,500 due at time of surgery. I was VERY irriated as you can imagine since this is a "fix" and I truly don't believe I should pay anything.

After I got that phone call, my stomach went into knots. I remember Bella trying to talk to me and I was just staring into space, pondering the trials I was about to endure. A few minutes later I got another call to tell me that I qualified for FREE HERCEPTIN! (Chemo)  The only requirement? I had to make less than $100,000 a year. WOOT WOOT, I had this one in the bag. That was a huge blessing to get that call. I thought to myself "Ok, no biggie, now just to tackle the bill at my oncologist office, which I am sure I can pay over time."

A few minutes later, I had one of the office ladies come out and sit down next to me with some papers. I can tell by the look on her face, that this wasn't going to be a blessed conversation. First things first. "Because you were late to your appointment, we are not sure that the Doctor can squeeze you in." I looked at her and said "I just drove an hour, I am not leaving till I see her, I have so many questions for her." She told me she would see what she can do. Then we proceeded on to the best part. (sarcastic) "So I calculated your out of pocket costs for Chemo minus the actual drug." $160 a week for the next 33 weeks. That would cover infusioin, nursing and the doctor visit. So your bill for today (Past due balance as well) is $233.68. I need payment today and then we will bill you weekly" she said. I simply said "ok" and she went back to the office. My eyes filled up with tears, I texted my husband and continued to sit in shock at the fact that I am actually at this point in my journey of paying out of pocket for these expenses. Weekly!!

I won't go into every detail of my visit because I don't want to bash my oncologist or the office because I have more good than bad, but bottom line is that I did NOT see my doctor today. I did get chemo, paid out of pocket for that, and I also met with a Social Worker who gave me MOUNDS of resources that I officially need a binder for. The social worker told me that I need to consider this as a job. Researching and applying is very exhausting and the fact that I work from home, makes it hard to sit in front of the computer for hours upon hours researching and then more hours to work. I know that sounds petty but its mentally exhausting.

If anyone is up for helping me, I can get organized enough to have these resources outlined and all my information available if you want to help me, I'd take it. I know some of my friends have offered in the past because they are home and they have the time. If you are willing, I am grateful.

When I left my doctors office 4 hours later of just getting chemo, crying and meeting with a social worker (alone with my 7 yr old) I walked out to the car (ran actually) and sat in the front seat, called my sister at work and cried like a baby. It felt so good to get it all out as I was holding it in for 4 hours. I sobbed and sobbed asking her "why" or "how" did this happen. I was in shock. I was in shock knowing that I just paid $233 for treatment that I had no control over, have to pay another $250 tomorrow for my GYN appt and another $200 on Monday and thereafter for the next 33 weeks and the fact that I can not get the surgery until I have that much money, plus pay my regular bills! Its just absolutley insane that I have to choose bill's or medical bills. It shouldn't be this way.

My sister asked me what she could do and I responded "Make this known how serious this is" Whatever that meant, I didn't know, but I need others to know how scary this is for me.

Within 30 minutes from my sister's plea I had donations coming in. I just have to say publicly w/out mentioning names THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BEING. You have taken the burden of the past due house bills sitting on my counter and some of the burden from the next few weeks of chemo. I am always amazed at how fast God can work and that He hears my crys. Even in my beat up Ford Taurus.

We also had a few more blessings following that, and I just want to express my deepest gratitude.  I can't say it enough!

From the information that I got today from the social worker, I don't think my plan of disability/Medicare is going to work as I thought. Its alot harder than Imagined. However my most awesome nurse, got me in touch with one lady, who knew another lady and I got a call from her. There is a program out there that reaches out to Breast Cancer patients w/out insurance that provide funds from private sponsors and grants. They work with specific doctors that have signed on to their program. My oncologist is one of them and from the "pre-screening" I qualify for this program. If we do get the final green light, my weekly bills at my oncologist's office would be taken care and if I am willing, which I am leaning towards, they will cover my surgery 100% if I switch plastic surgeons. They will also cover my Rx, my petscans, surgeries, whatever comes with cancer, I will be covered. It all sounds too good to be true right? No! Its definitly not. Its real. So, I should be getting a call this week with another interview and then hoping to hear the words "you qualify".

So, today I weeped like a baby and I also rejoiced in God's everlasting blessings. Im an emotional wreck and there is still so much to do. I truly can't wrap my head around it. I have alot more resources that I want to tackle that take care of other things that we need help with.

Thank you to those that have blessed us today.

We are still in great need and we are working towards getting on the right track in this journey. Cancer is not something that I chose. It chose me and I am just trying to survive it and tackle it so that I don't ever see this again.

As we wait to hear results, I ask for prayer. Im drained, tired, physically and mentally exhausted and beaten down. I just want to be free from this burden.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

For you to know......

Alot of people have asked me over the year "Why do you have to be on Chemo for this long?" I would always give them the answer that my doctor has given, but tonight I was researching and I feel the need to share.

I want you to watch this video below to understand my diagnosis. Her2/NEU Positive. This means that my tumor was not driven by hormones like most women. They don't know what caused it. Otherwise we would have a cure.

Video #2 is about a women who was diagnosed with the same type of cancer and was on the chemo called "Herceptin" which I am currently on for the next 34 weeks. I started at 52.

The reason for this post is to spread the word of the importance of why I need to stay on this treatment and not stop regardless of my insurance costs. I don't want to know about "alternative medicine" because I believe in the choices that we made.

Im fighting for my life regardless of how healthy I look and feel. I can not stop now.

Video One: Her2/Neu Receptors

Video Two: Herceptin

Friday, July 8, 2011


As you all know, we are currently un-insured and we have no resources for being insured anytime soon. This coming week alone, I have two doctors appointments that are over $400 that we have to pay out of pocket. We simply are shaking our head at what to do, as we truly don't have an answer and the finances to do this.

 My hairdress Sarah Stein has come up with some ideas. First...Anyone that comes into Sheer Bliss Salon in the month of July and mentions GABBEE will have a percentage of their bill donated back to our family.

Sheer Bliss Salon
3235 N. Hunt Highway #105
Florence, Az 85132
Anthem/Safeway shopping Plaza

Please cut and paste this information and pass it around Facebook as much as you can! We need the help!

Also...SCENTSY FUNDRAISER FOR GABBEE BAGBY! go check out if you order online make sure you put it under the Gabbee Fundraiser party! or call me @ 4802061788! to place orders, or ask questions.

And lastly, we are having an open house fundraiser/Auction on July 23rd. Location/Time will be determined soon.  We are looking for donations and any vendors that would be interested. Please email me at
I didn't think it would come to this...but here we are, and I don't know what else to do. Im in tears as I write this, because I simply can't believe that this is happening to me. I feel sad to see happiness in others knowing that this is something that is real for me and not for some. Through this whole process I have never been angry until now.
I really appreciate if you can spread this blog around so I can get the word out to as many people as I can.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Memory Lane....12 months later

Its crazy to think that 20 days from now I will be coming to my one year anniversary of my diagnosis. I don't want to say Anniversary because when I think anniversay I think celebration and this is definitly something I don't want to put in the category of Celebrating. Our Wedding Anniversary is on July 22nd. 11 years for us. Its amazing. I remember last year I wanted to something GRAND for our 10 year anniversary. LOL...I wouldn't call getting a mamogram GRAND. But I have to say that 11 years later, or even a year later after the diagnosis our marriage has grown in such a GRAND way and I am ever so thankful that Cory was the one that was chosen for me especially to go through this journey with me. I have heard of horror stories of men leaving their wives during treatment. I can't even imagine that feeling and I am thankful that Cory has NEVER made me feel insecure by his words or actions. He has only raised me up through this process. I think for our anniversary this year we need to make it GRAND. :)

The reason I am heading down memory lane is because I have been on the computer since 8am searching and applying and getting paperwork together for different programs to help with out of pocket costs. I had to pull out my pathology report and my reports from the breast surgeon to send to these sites and I just can't believe it. Still....I just remember getting my biopsy and standing in my friends driveway saying "Im sure it will come back negative, women have lumps all the time" It just boggles my mind that I went down this road.

To look back now is definitly emotional but not in a way that I am weeping. I realized that my life can change in an instant, and that its not just something that happens to other people.

As I reflect on this past year, my response is thankful. Thankful to my family, friends, supporters, new friends, old friends and everyone in between. Im thankful that you have made this journey so much lighter than it could have been. It wasn't always easy, but knowing I had support and people who loved me made it so much lighter.

I would like to do something on July 26th to reflect the blessings in my life. Im just not sure what yet.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Tuesday Update

Well today was a day of many emotions. First I just want to thank everyone that messaged me and prayed with me. I loved feeling the presence of God today and Lord knows that I needed it. I decided to fast today and it was really an awesome time with God.

First, with Chemo. I am happy to report that we might qualify for Free Herceptin! Yes....FREE CHEMO. I don't know who its funded by, but from what I understood, its the "chemo medicine company". LOL. Anyway, if we qualify we would only be financially responsible for the office visit and nursing hours. Still about $800 a month...but its better than $12,000 a month. So, I have to send my stuff into my oncologists office and wait on the approval.

The downside of my appointment is that I might have to get some hormone shots which I am not a fan of. I have to meet with my doctor on the 11th. The reason for the shots is because (TMI, so beware and Im speaking in code LOL) my body was put into early menopause and now that Im off the chemo that has put me in menopause, my body is trying to get back to normal, but its struggling...Sooooooo they might have to give me hormone shots to stop the insanity. I hope this all makes sense. LOL

THe reason I am not a fan of the shots, is because breast cancer is commonly caused by execessive hormones and I don't want anything added to my body at this point. But my oncologist knows best and I trust her judgement so I will just have to wait until Monday.

Moving on to Isaac's appointment. We got there and the scheduler, dropped the ball somewhere and never scheduled us in. The doctor drove 45 minutes to come back to the office to see Isaac. Because of that the office is not charging us for today's visit. She said its the least she can do. LOL.

WOOT WOOT! God is Good and Im thankful that I can come home and report that.

It was confirmed that Isaac did break his tibia, and know has a growth plate concern, but the doctor feels confident it will heal in a few weeks. He chose not to cast Isaac because he is going to camp and he doesn't want him in the cast at camp for several reasons. He actually doesn't want Isaac going to camp at all, but I told him that I already took him out of swimming and I don't want to take this from him either. So Isaac is going with STRICT instructions. He is in a soft cast till the end of January.

So.....not everything was handed to us, but we definitly had some blessings today which reassured me that God is bigger than Insurance Companies.

Tuesday.....An expensive Day

Today is the first full day of doctors appointments for both myself and Isaac with no insurance. As soon as I opened my eyes, the butterflies in my stomach started roaring with the thought of the expenses. A medication refill needs to happen today as well as chemo. I will talk to my doctor about some possibilities of disability or any other options she knows. Im desperate at this point, to find health coverage with just 20 days away from surgery. Today I start to rack up my bill at my oncologist office. It truly makes me sick.

Isaac has his ortho appointment today. Im praying that I can work something out with them as a cash pay patient, especially if he needs to be casted. I have never met this doctor before as I was referred by my pediatrician who is also new to our family since the death of our old pediatrician. Im praying that my story and situation gives him a tender heart of understanding.

This week I will be religiously searching for programs, grants..anything that will get me through.

 I also decided to fast, and bathe myself in prayer. This past week we had so much family around, I lost that time to really reflect and process the whole thing. Now its back to reality and I need to face the dragons...

BUT a good and special friend texted this to me and I will end with it.

I will list all the good that God has done for me and how He has provided for us over the past year since my diagnosis. I will list the miracles that He has performed and shove it in the Devil's face so that he knows, he has no place here. I need to rest in the fact that God has brought us this far and He will not let a corrupt health care system be the final say. My God is bigger than that. I will put the list in God's hands and Praise Him for all the good work He has done. I will then wait expectantly.