Saturday, February 18, 2012

Hide & Seek

You remember that game right? I remember playing it as a kid and loved it! My favorite "style" of hide and seek was what we (East Coast Kid) called "Manhunt." We would dress in black and hide on our street. In NY we have bushes and trees and the houses are really close to eachother so it makes for a better game. Arizona...well that is a different story. HaHa! I remember hiding behind a bush and I would be so scared to sit there in the dark but it was so cool at the same time. I wonder what I did while I was being hunted? I didn't have a pager, phone or ipod. What did I do to pass the time? LOL

I bring this up because last night I played hide & seek and that was the first time in YEARS!!! We had a fundraiser for our Youth Group which we called AWAKE. They had to get sponsors for each hour they stayed "awake" which meant that we had to entertain them for hours on end. However in return I was definitly entertained.

When the teens requested to play hide & seek in the dark I froze. I objected because I didn't want to hide alone because I didn't have the same fearless spirit as I did when I was a kid. I think too many scary movies in my life has caused the "dark" to be a bad thing. LOL! And so I begged one of my besties Amy to be my partner. Of course we were the only ones paired up. The rest of the group had nerves of steel that I didn't. I assumed Amy shared my fear but last night, I learned a whole new side of my friend that I never knew! One word. Competitive! LOL...

We were in her house which helped us find the great hiding places. We hid behind doors, in the pantry, in closets, behind couches and even behind a bed (which we broke while moving it to accomadate our hips) LOL. This hiding time led to us hiding under blankets whispering and giggling like we were in Junior High. We laughed so hard that we couldn't breathe. We loved sitting still listening to the others "try" and find us. We were always the ones that were found last because we had the best hiding spot. Finally, we were challenged to "seek" the other two that were pretty good at hiding. Amy's husband John and one of our teens Zane. Amy was determined to find her husband in their house because she knows how her husband operates and she knows her house. I on the other hand just held onto her arm and expressed how scared I was to have someone jump out at me. She didn't care! She looked in every corner searching high and low for those two. Eventually I found luck..or maybe just the bulge that was popping up from underneath their guest room bed. I continued to follow behind Amy until we found Zane. She went into one of the bathrooms and at that moment I said "No way am I looking in here!" My heart was pounding and I was so afraid someone would jump out at me. I stayed by the door. She kept looking in the bathroom high and low and the next thing I know she runs past me screaming and shouting and then I hear giggling from Zane and the rest of the teens. The exact fear I had came true on Amy. LOL..Im glad it was her and not me. :) Needless to say it was SO FUN! I sit here now and laugh because of our moments of insanity and crazy things we thought of while we were waiting for the others to find us.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about my life and my journey with cancer. I have two treatments left. 2!!! I started chemo in October of 2010 and my last treatment will be March 19th 2012. I think its safe to say Im ready to be done with this!!

As I am coming to a close to this chapter in my life I am reflecting on what my new "norm" will be like. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, everyone would tell me that I would need to adjust to my new normal. At that time I thought everyone was crazy and I would never adjust but as I am living out my life I am learning that I can adjust because I don't have any other choice. Things are different and they won't just go back to the old, but it doesn't mean I can't go forward. Im not stuck.

Today I catered cupcakes for the Grand Opening at the new Florence Hospital at Anthem. They ordered 600 cupcakes!! I spent 10 hours of baking yesterday. Cupcakes after cupcakes after cupcakes. After all that baking I went to the Teen all nighter. I only had 3 1/2 hours of sleep but I made it through today. As I stood there serving my cupcakes to the hundreds of people that attended the Grand Opening I couldn't help but think...."Would I ever have started this business if I wasn't diagnosed?" I don't know the answer but I do know that I love to see people enjoy my baking. It gives me a sense of purpose again and it fills my heart with joy to be able to make others smile! We served 600 cupcakes in 1 hour! The event was from 11-2 and we packed our table up shortly after noon. It was insane, intense, wonderful, scary, and AMAZING all at the same time.

Today made me realize that I do not have to "hide" behind cancer forever. Cancer does not define me and it does not take ownership over my life. It has made me different both emotionally and physically but it does not define who I am as a person. For the longest time I thought it did but this weekend made me realize that I am coming to the point of "seeking" out my new normal and I am actually excited about it. I am coming to terms that after March 19th I don't need to expect myself and my family to go back to life before July 2010. We need to look forward and focus on our new and refined goals in life.

I no longer want to hide behind cancer. I only want to seek out the good that awaits us.

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