Its been too long since my last blog; in my mind. I have been wanting to blog so bad but didn't feel like I had to much to say. Waking up at 5am this morning made me realize I have a lot on my mind and so I thought I would share my thoughts on here.
As many of you know I had a Birthday on February 1st. The big 33. CRAZY! I don't see myself in my 30's. I still feel like Im in my 20's but my body tells me different. My husband asked me on the morning of my Birthday "So, what does it feel like to be 33?" I laughed and said "I can't really answer that question as I am gearing up for my Chemo treatment today."
Most 33 year olds aren't on Chemo. Its funny to think of an average person in their young 30's and where they are in life. All of our stories are different. Many of us don't have what we want but we all can have the things we need.
I remember my 30th. It was so exciting. My older friends all told me that things start falling apart at age 30. LOL I refused to believe them. I threw a big 30th bash and had a GREAT year!
31 I was on the same boat. I still felt and looked great (nothing was falling apart) and threw another party. Me and about 50 of my friends all went rollerskating. It was so fun!
32 however was a different story. 5 months after my 31st Birthday I was diagosed with Breast Cancer. My life changed. I honestly can not remember what my life was like before the diagnosis other than pictures. I know that I will have a new normal after this is all over, but I will never get back the old. Its just not possible. I asked the kids if they remember what life was like before Cancer and they couldn't tell me much. This disease has changed our lives as a family. It sucks. But Im here. And that is what is important. For my 32nd Birthday I had dinner in my bed and came out to the living room for cake to visit with my guests. I just had chemo the day before and I was in PAIN from the taxol. It was miserable. But I put a smile on and put a front on for my family but I was definitly hurting inside and out. This was not how I should be at 32 right?
And.....33. This year was very good. Cory treated me like a princess and my family and friends did as well. I am blessed to have all them by my side through this whole process. They love me inside and out and spoil me rotten on my Birthday. Thank you to my family and friends for always putting a smile on my face.
I am thankful to be alive celebrating another year. This year I finsh my treatment. 17 months of Chemotherapy. March 19th 2012 is my last treatment. I have 2 more treatments to go and I will be honest, Its bittersweet. On one hand I will miss my chemo buddies. I will miss my nurses but I am not kicked out once I am done. I can go by anytime I feel the need to. Plus once you stop chemo, doesn't mean you stop seeing the doctor. My oncologist will be oncologist for the rest of my life. On the other hand I am so ready to live my life and not have chemo interrupt it. Im tried of feeling pain and fatique. Im tired of seeing my daughter get anxious everytime I get a treatment. Im definitly over it. I see the finish line. Its blurry but I see it. Its so close.
I look forward to turning 34. With longer hair, not on chemo and celebrating my first year of survivorship!
For now I am going to focus on the prize and get myself to March 19th so we can celebrate!