Monday, December 12, 2011

Sand World...

Today was Bella’s first therapy session with her new therapist. I am so thankful that we found her. She is exactly what I want in a therapist. She’s a Christian which is important for us. I wanted to emphasize on why that is so important to us because some people might not understand why.

We believe that Bella’s healing will ultimately come from Christ. We believe that God gives us the gift of having trained people that will assist in getting Bella the best medical care, even if it’s emotional care, not physical. We want someone that understands our faith, our way of healing and our way of allowing Christ in our home. It’s hard (from experience) to work together with someone that does not expect the “bottom line” healing to come from the same person. Our values, our morals, our foundation, our beliefs are those of Christ. I believe that we can better understand Bella, her past, her present and our goals for her future if we are on the same page spiritually. So…with that said, the importance of our therapists faith is an important one.

After the first item on our checklist was crossed off, we wanted to see her credentials which were impressive and we were happy. We got to talk on the phone last week and I felt an immediate connection with her. So we gave it a try and we were happy campers today.

The office was a great environment. She greeted us with her dog Courage (whom Bella is in love with) and offered us a variety of hot drinks on this cold rainy day in Arizona. It was very cozy and welcoming. She asked if we could meet with her first to get some information on Bella. While we were doing that, she put a veggie tales video on for Bella and set her right outside her office door. She made it known to Bella that we were going to meet and that she was leaving the door open a bit so we can still see her. I loved the way she kept reassuring Bella in every decision that she made. She made sure the video was loud enough so that our conversation wasn’t heard, but yet Bella didn’t know the difference and I like that. I like that Bella didn’t feel secluded and sitting outside alone wondering what we were talking about.

When we began our time together she prayed for us and the healing of our family and the healing of Bella. That was SUCH a blessing for us. We continued to talk about some issues in Bella’s past and the anxiety that she is feeling now. I always get choked up when I have to explain what my daughter’s “problem” is. She asked me to tell her about when I was sick on chemo, what my location would be and how I interacted with Bella. Honestly it was hard for me to remember those details, but I did remember lying in bed and always wishing I was out in the living room with my family. Thinking back to those days of intense chemo which followed surgery always breaks my heart. I lost some time with my family and my daughter is paying a price for it which sucks. Cancer sucks. BUT…which I want to emphasize BUT…I am here enjoying them now. Cancer sucks, but I won.

After our conversation, we brought Bella in. The therapist wanted us to have a family session today to “evaluate” us (in my wording) and to get to know Bella with us in the room. So we made a sand world in a huge sand tray. We got to pick items off of her bookcase which varied from animals, furniture, people, objects, nature like things and so on. We carried a basket around and collected all the times we wanted in our world. We couldn’t comment negatively on each other’s items, we just had to accept that they would be included.

So, lets start with Bella’s world. Her world contained a Momma horse and baby horse standing VERY close together. A bunny rabbit, a bird in a nest, a polar bear, a cat and a dog.

My corner of the world consisted of a brown recliner, a side table with a cross on it, a Christmas tree, a cross behind my chair, a dining room table with 4 chairs and a purple gem on the other side of my chair.

Cory’s corner consisted of a Gi Joe shoveling the sand, a fence around him and another GI Joe behind him. He added a helicopter and a plane.

The therapist came over and said “this is an interesting world.” LOL Ya, I would say. We had our own corners which were VERY different and Bella’s stuff interacted with both of our worlds. Her polar bear was even trying to break through the fence that Cory put up.

I had my own idea’s of what Cory’s world represented LOL but I didn’t say anything. Of course on the way home, I asked the question “was the GI boss representing me?” LOL Much to my surprise it didn’t.

The therapist talked through it for awhile and got connected with Bella and where she fit in. She asked Bella if she could be anywhere in this world, where would she go. So Bella got up and picked a purple fairy and set her right next to my recliner. My precious baby. That is all I can say.

Through this I realize now how much Bella fears the loss of me. It breaks my heart. I know it breaks hers. I wish I can tell her not to be afraid but I know that she will remain to feel that way until she realizes that God is in control. I had to come to that realization myself and I know that my 7 year old will have to as well.

This is a great thing for Bella. I am very happy for her that she has the resource for this and I continue to pray for her healing. I want her to branch out. I want her to feel confident without mommy and daddy around. I want her to achieve many things and not to feel anxious. We all want these things for our kids and some come easier than others.

Thanks for your prayers and thank you for stepping into our world and praying for us.


The Bagbys

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