Saturday, July 31, 2010

July 31st 2010

Today sucked. I have been crying on and off all day and I dont know how I should feel. I got 4 hours of sleep last night and I was a zombie.

I mopped the floor and cried, I checked my facebook and cried. I would look at my husband and cry. I couldn't figure it all out. I was so tired that I just wanted to sleep, but my mind wont let me.

I thought that it would be a good idea to take the family out for a movie. So we went to go see "Toy Story 3". I couldn't concentrate. My anxiety was so obnoxious that I couldn't contain myself. I was shaking and Cory was just trying to hold me still.

I dont know what I am to feel right now, but I feel infected. I feel invaded. I feel anger at myself for not cataching this sooner. I feel anger for not praying harder. I question every piece of food that I have put into my body, every drink, every piece of chocolate. Im obsessing and Im making myself crazy.

I took a sleeping pill just so I can sleep. Otherwise I will be the worst mother and wife in the world. I just love my kids but I am so irritable right now too. :(

Im going to try and get some sleep. Goodnight.

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