First, I want to say Thank you for the support these past 24 hours. Texts, FB, and everything in between really encourage Cory and I.
Doctors went ok. I feel better just talking with her. My nurses were super supportive as soon as I walked in. I love that I can cry on their shoulders.
My oncologist is great. One thing that she is trying to teach me in all of this is to try to find the healthy way of dealing with things as they come up. I wanted her advice on the "worst case scenario" because that is the way my mind works. She told me that thinking that way wasn't the healthiest and that we need to take one step at a time. The planner in me, needs to know, but I understand the healthy way of doing this...but I have NO IDEA how to do that. How does one not get freaked out and worried about a lump, when I just went through Hell.
So, we talked about a few things. I have been telling her how tired I was lately, but I think today she knew that it was more than just that and I shouldn't be this tired on Herceptin so they are running several labs that I should have back today. Thyroid and B12 is definitely ones that she wants to see. So please pray that its neither, especially thyroid.
We talked about my problems Im having with my cycle and the pain Im experiencing and some other issues so she ordered a ultrasound for that as well.
As far as my lump. She examined me very thoroughly not pushing this aside as nothing, which I am thankful for. Her response to the lump is that its definitely not Scar tissue by the characteristics of it. We were kinda hoping that would be the issue, but whatever. She feels the lump, its definitely present, but the characteristics of it, aren't the same as a cancerous one. This may sound like good news and I want it to be, but for me it isn't that way 100%. This is why. When I found my lump, it hurt and it moved. Those were NOT the signs of a cancerous lump. So statistics and characteristics don't really matter to me. Ultrasounds matter to me. She thinks that it could be a sweat gland that is inflamed. That is normally caused by shaving or deodorant. Hmmm. So who knows.
She definitely feels that an ultrasound would help us move to the next level of the steps to take and Im so thankful for that. I see my breast surgeon next Wed and I can't wait. She was the one that did the mastectomy and took my lymph nodes out so I really trust her. Im anxious to hear her thoughts on the whole thing.
So, I really need you to pray for the ultrasound. I want it to be clear and concise of whats going on. It is painful and so please pray for that too. Pray for my other ultrasound on my abdomen and also my blood work.
Honestly, Im weary and sad and consumed. Im trying to figure out a way to not allow this to happen when something is not right wth my body and I just dont know how. Time maybe? I don't know. But it just sucks and I hate cancer. Im annoyed that it takes my joy away when Im doing good.