Wow...Ok so where do I start?

My day has been filled with Trials and Blessings. I guess I will just start from the beginning.

This morning we sent Isaac off to Camp through Mosaic. Thank you for all the sponsors in helping him get to camp. I can't wait to hear my 10 year old tell me how God worked in his life this week.

After we sent him off, Bella and I drove off to Chandler to get Chemo. I had a Dr.'s appt at 9:40. Of course I got stuck behind a truck and arrived 10 minutes late. I was sitting in the waiting room waiting to be seen, pondering if I should even get chemo at this point because my surgery is scheduled for July 28th and I am not supposed to get chemo 2 weeks before chemo, but I have not heard from my Plastic surgeon of the charges so I didn't even know if the 28th was a reality. As I was sitting there, I got a phone call from the surgeons office and my out of pocket cost for surgery is $5,500 due at time of surgery. I was VERY irriated as you can imagine since this is a "fix" and I truly don't believe I should pay anything.

After I got that phone call, my stomach went into knots. I remember Bella trying to talk to me and I was just staring into space, pondering the trials I was about to endure. A few minutes later I got another call to tell me that I qualified for FREE HERCEPTIN! (Chemo)  The only requirement? I had to make less than $100,000 a year. WOOT WOOT, I had this one in the bag. That was a huge blessing to get that call. I thought to myself "Ok, no biggie, now just to tackle the bill at my oncologist office, which I am sure I can pay over time."

A few minutes later, I had one of the office ladies come out and sit down next to me with some papers. I can tell by the look on her face, that this wasn't going to be a blessed conversation. First things first. "Because you were late to your appointment, we are not sure that the Doctor can squeeze you in." I looked at her and said "I just drove an hour, I am not leaving till I see her, I have so many questions for her." She told me she would see what she can do. Then we proceeded on to the best part. (sarcastic) "So I calculated your out of pocket costs for Chemo minus the actual drug." $160 a week for the next 33 weeks. That would cover infusioin, nursing and the doctor visit. So your bill for today (Past due balance as well) is $233.68. I need payment today and then we will bill you weekly" she said. I simply said "ok" and she went back to the office. My eyes filled up with tears, I texted my husband and continued to sit in shock at the fact that I am actually at this point in my journey of paying out of pocket for these expenses. Weekly!!

I won't go into every detail of my visit because I don't want to bash my oncologist or the office because I have more good than bad, but bottom line is that I did NOT see my doctor today. I did get chemo, paid out of pocket for that, and I also met with a Social Worker who gave me MOUNDS of resources that I officially need a binder for. The social worker told me that I need to consider this as a job. Researching and applying is very exhausting and the fact that I work from home, makes it hard to sit in front of the computer for hours upon hours researching and then more hours to work. I know that sounds petty but its mentally exhausting.

If anyone is up for helping me, I can get organized enough to have these resources outlined and all my information available if you want to help me, I'd take it. I know some of my friends have offered in the past because they are home and they have the time. If you are willing, I am grateful.

When I left my doctors office 4 hours later of just getting chemo, crying and meeting with a social worker (alone with my 7 yr old) I walked out to the car (ran actually) and sat in the front seat, called my sister at work and cried like a baby. It felt so good to get it all out as I was holding it in for 4 hours. I sobbed and sobbed asking her "why" or "how" did this happen. I was in shock. I was in shock knowing that I just paid $233 for treatment that I had no control over, have to pay another $250 tomorrow for my GYN appt and another $200 on Monday and thereafter for the next 33 weeks and the fact that I can not get the surgery until I have that much money, plus pay my regular bills! Its just absolutley insane that I have to choose bill's or medical bills. It shouldn't be this way.

My sister asked me what she could do and I responded "Make this known how serious this is" Whatever that meant, I didn't know, but I need others to know how scary this is for me.

Within 30 minutes from my sister's plea I had donations coming in. I just have to say publicly w/out mentioning names THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY BEING. You have taken the burden of the past due house bills sitting on my counter and some of the burden from the next few weeks of chemo. I am always amazed at how fast God can work and that He hears my crys. Even in my beat up Ford Taurus.

We also had a few more blessings following that, and I just want to express my deepest gratitude.  I can't say it enough!

From the information that I got today from the social worker, I don't think my plan of disability/Medicare is going to work as I thought. Its alot harder than Imagined. However my most awesome nurse, got me in touch with one lady, who knew another lady and I got a call from her. There is a program out there that reaches out to Breast Cancer patients w/out insurance that provide funds from private sponsors and grants. They work with specific doctors that have signed on to their program. My oncologist is one of them and from the "pre-screening" I qualify for this program. If we do get the final green light, my weekly bills at my oncologist's office would be taken care and if I am willing, which I am leaning towards, they will cover my surgery 100% if I switch plastic surgeons. They will also cover my Rx, my petscans, surgeries, whatever comes with cancer, I will be covered. It all sounds too good to be true right? No! Its definitly not. Its real. So, I should be getting a call this week with another interview and then hoping to hear the words "you qualify".

So, today I weeped like a baby and I also rejoiced in God's everlasting blessings. Im an emotional wreck and there is still so much to do. I truly can't wrap my head around it. I have alot more resources that I want to tackle that take care of other things that we need help with.

Thank you to those that have blessed us today.

We are still in great need and we are working towards getting on the right track in this journey. Cancer is not something that I chose. It chose me and I am just trying to survive it and tackle it so that I don't ever see this again.

As we wait to hear results, I ask for prayer. Im drained, tired, physically and mentally exhausted and beaten down. I just want to be free from this burden.