Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Most of you know the story so Im going to sum it all up and then move on to the last 24 hours.

Monday, I started feeling like someone was taking my heart and squeezing it. Released it, came back and squeezed again. I Tried Maylox and nothing happened. I had my blood pressure taken and it was 84/52. So after much thought I decided to go to the ER. I sat down with my kids to tell them that our Annual Valentines Dinner and Molten Lava Cakes had to be postponed and they both fell into tears. THat is one thing that I want everyone to remember. Even though everything might look good on the outside, my family and I deal with Cancer EVERYDAY. It never stops. Its an ongoing thing for us. So when they are stopped in their tracks once again because of mommy, they get frustrated and they have every right to be. They didn't want to sleep somewhere AGAIN, they didn't want to be picked up by others AGAIN, they didn't want to pack their suitcases AGAIN! As Bella said "I just want to be with you." That is really frustrating and I know that they will adjust, but its unfair for them to have to adjust. I just wish that we didn't have to adjust anymore.

Anyway, I was seen by the ER doc, lots of tests were ordered and I was admitted on Monday night because my heart enzymes were elevated. My poor husband slept on a chair the first night after working all day. Honestly...this is going to sound DUMB, but that is probably the best Valentines Gift from him that I have recieved in my 10 years of marriage to him. When I told him that he can go home and be with the kids, his response was "are you kidding me? Im not leaving you so don't even ask me again. You are my priority, the kids are doing ok and I am not leaving." That is a great acts of service to me, because I know he meant every word and although I suggested him to go home, I needed him there, but was thinking of the kids. On our way home today, I just kept putting my head on his shoulder saying Thank you. I truly am thankful for him and his dedication to me through my cancer journey. He may not be the best gift giver LOL but he rocks the house on being a caretaker. I will take that over a gift ANYDAY.

So 6 tests later, 4 doctors later I was released today with an unknown diagnosis. I still have the pain, but my oncologist told me last night that she feels in her heart of hearts that its not a side effect from the chemo and she is not concerned with my heart. Wether its anxiety, or a muscle thing from my expanders she is certain that my heart is not under stress. I trust my Oncologist. I told her last night that my life is in her hands and she agrees. She is awesome. She even called me late last night to see if the Cardio doc came to see me last night. She has the BEST bedside manner ever and that is needed when you are going through what I go through.

So, my chemo is rescheduled for tomorrow. She feels comfortable giving me the chemo with the pain I am feeling. Lets pray she's right. :) I trust that God would have revealed something if it was a concern, so Im letting Him have that worry.

On the plus side, Im going to see JJ Heller friday night for my Birthday and if I got chemo today as planned I would have been in her concert in a wheelchair and on pain this way, I should be ok on Friday night. Im excited to see her in concert and get that fellowship and worship with my girlfriends. :)

So...what did I learn after sitting in bed for 3 days? 3 things actually.

1. I have a great support group of friends and family. Being by our side, sacrificing their Vday's night to take me to the ER, visiting me and giving me goodies LOL, taking our kids, bringing food, texts, name it, we had it. We are so thankful for that. I would be an emotional mess if I was in the hospital w/out you guys.

2. My husband is a scatter brain LOL but he is the best caretaker ever! He's great at it in general, but being in the medical field makes it 10x better. Im thankful for him and his unending love for me through this. There are men out there that would flee when times get tough like this. I heard terrible stories about some. So Im thankful that God reminded me of how special Cory truly is to me.

3. My kids need me more than they have before. I refuse to allow them to adjust to this and throw them into this disaster and hope they accept it. I know my kids are stronger because of this, but it doesn't mean they don't love their mom and desire to be with me everyday. So, some new rules are happening around here. Mostly some discpline in my life that will allow me to make sure I am there for my kids every night. Enough of others and events and cancer coming before them. Im done with that. This week really opened my eyes to how much they have taken on.

With all that said....Im excited for tonight. We are having the our Annual Valetines Dinner tonight with Pork Loin, Baked Potatoes, Veggies,  Red Grape Sparkling Cider, Fine China and Isaac's request....Molten Lava Cakes. :)

Im excited to be home.

Tomorrow is Chemo. Please join me in prayer for my side effects from the Taxol. It sucks. The pain is tough. Im anticipating the pain to start Saturday evening as that is how it panned out last treatment. Im praying its only 48-72 hours like last time and no longer. Just shorter.

Thanks again for all the support!!!!!!

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