Well I took a magic pill last night, but apparently it decided not to work or my mind racing was just too powerful for it to work. I tossed and turned all night then woke up at 3:30. I’m not really sure why I have butterflies in my stomach? I asked God to please take the anxiety away and I wasn’t anxious until 3:30 this morning, but I think it’s so unknown and I don’t know what to expect. When I had my mastectomy I was SUPER anxious and couldn’t sleep. When I got to the hospital, I was fine. No anxiety. God was and is good! I listened to a lot of worship music in the hospital waiting up until my time to go back to pre-op and that is my plan to do today. My goal is to get my head together, get my kids off to school with no anxiety in their little hearts and then just Be Still in God’s word and Song on our way to my appointment at 9:40.
This morning, Cory and I woke up both feeling very anxious; I can tell by the way we were restless. I sat up and he just rubbed my back not saying a word. I know I was praying and I can bet he was too. Silently resting in God’s word. We laid back down and just stared at the T.V. Emotions started to come over me but I refuse to cry today. I really want to be strong and if I need to cry to my oncologist before I get started, then I will. But for now..I’m not ready. After a bit, I got up and told Cory I was going to blog. So here I am. I don’t think anything can prepare you for this day. Well…mentally anyway. But we are here and we can’t go backwards. I need to go forward. Today Big Red & I will meet. We will work together to fight this cancer and any chance of it returning. Big Red is just going to go in and fight….and its my job to stay strong physically & mentally while he does his thing.
Easy Breeze Beautiful Chemo Girl Right? Here is a picture that my step-sister made for me. I’m going in today with this picture stuck in my brain.
“Lord I ask that you give me peace today. Help me have a calm spirit and remain peaceful and not a frantic mess. Surprise me and put me in awe with the strength needed for chemo. Give me the strength through my first treatment so that I may still enjoy my life, kids and family. Give me the strength in my mind that I THROUGH YOU will be stronger than any type of chemo. I love you Lord and I am thankful that I am as healthy as I am. I pray that the chemo will catch any little cell that may be forming or floating around. I pray for my kids that they are strengthened through this trial and that they can be stronger through this. Make their tender hearts rock solid. I pray for my husband that you provide him with a gentle spirit and patience as my caretaker. Thank you for blessing me with a husband who loves me with short hair, crazy bed hair and baldness. Thank you for allowing him to see past this and to love my heart and not my image. Bless my sister and mom as they watch me endure this journey. Give them the words to speak and to be strong for me and my family. Bless their homes and I thank you for their sacrifice to me. Bless my friends and supporters. Bless them in return for being your servant in my time of need. Thank you for their acts of service and continued support. Lord please block any germs that can cause an infection. Keep my health on tip top shape. Heal me O Lord before it even starts. Thank you and I praise you continually through this storm.”
In Jesus Precious Name