Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dr. Admire & God's Timing

Well today was a really good day for me. Not so much because it was a physically strong day but I had some God moments today and I feel really blessed to have my eyes opened.

Today was my appointment with Dr. Admire, my plastic surgeon. Lately I have been frustrated with him because of his lack of beside manner. I didn’t enter into his office by choice. To enhance anything on my body by choice. Im there as a cancer patient and I wasn’t getting the same response from Dr. Admire as I was getting from my breast surgeon and oncologist. Given…he’s a plastic surgeon but if he can’t be compassionate to breast cancer patients then he needs to strictly stay with cosmetic only.

However…I’ve jokingly said I was going to talk to him and share with him my frustration. I wasn’t serious until a few days ago when I finally realized that my obsession with him had to come to a stop. LOL. So today was my appointment..the day I would share my heart with a man that doesn’t seem interested. I rehearsed in the shower this morning and it sounded great LOL however when I was waiting to be seen I forgot everything. My friend Rachelle came with me and she jokingly said “do you want to rehearse now?” but we knew that we couldn’t in the middle of the waiting room. So I just contemplated to myself on even saying anything. I saw how busy he was, knowing he had to go into surgery soon and I thought “Maybe next time.” But when they called me back, I went by myself when I usually have 2 of my friends or family with me. I figured if I do say anything, it’ll probably be better if I did it by myself so he doesn’t feel a threat. So I went into the room and said “Jesus, please give me the words to speak, I don’t remember anything I rehearsed, just be in my words.”

So he came in, greeted me and immediately said “So how are you feeling since the hematoma?” I know that sounds routine, but normally he just asks, “how I am doing?” but he remembered me. I responded and here is how our conversation went.

Me: “Well, honestly Im scared. Im scared to get fills, Im scared to get implants and not only am I dealing with the emotional effects of being a breast cancer patient, I am dealing with the tragedy of the hematoma which was by far the most pain I have ever felt in my life. I feel like your office is supposed to be a happy place for me, giving me something back that I just lost and I just don’t feel safe. I have had nothing but pain from the expanders and I just need to know that it’s all going to be ok. I don’t want a fill today, I start chemo next week and I don’t want to get my implants in till after my 8 treatments of chemo.”

Dr. Admire: “I totally understand and we will start taking it easy especially with the start of chemo. I don’t want you to feel that way and we will back off of the fills if that is your choice. We can fill you once every 3 weeks and we need about 200 more CC’s of fluid in each breast for your chosen size (which is the size I was) which can be done over the 8 treatments (which is 6 months) and we will wait till after your chemo treatments to do the final surgery. You’re looking great, you’re healing great and let’s just take it slow.”

LOL that conversation might sound lame to some but let me just tell you that was a GODSEND. For me. He was compassionate, he heard me out, he agreed, he backed off and he showed bedside manner. God truly just allowed me to speak honest with him and not be so rehearsed.

I left there with such a weight lifted off my shoulders. As a patient I had control back and it felt good.

After my appointment Rachelle and I got lunch and just chatted. Rachelle and I have 6 years of history and she is just so refreshing for me. She is genuine and has always been genuine with her walk with God. Our kids love being with each other and even though we are not in the same zip code she has my back. I love her. One part of the many conversations we had, we just talked about how much God is in control. Looking back and realizing how he orchestrates our lives. It’s interesting to watch how he put all the pieces to my puzzle together and if I had to get cancer, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but where I am at from my residence to my marriage. God didn’t give me cancer but He knew I would have it and the best part? He is using me to inspire others. I am so thankful for that. But because He knew, he put me in certain paths throughout the last 6 years that really has placed me exactly where I am, which really works as a cancer patient. Moving to Nevada and being alongside my mother in law as she battled breast cancer and chemo, coming to a church that is beyond supportive, they are my family, working from home, my kids being older, my marriage being stronger, my sister and mom and brother by my side, my influence in the lives of Jr. Highers, my involvement within the community and so much more. This was all puzzled together perfectly. I’m just so thankful!

Tomorrow is my pet scan. This will scan my body to see if there is any cancer elsewhere or abnormalities. Will you pray for me? Clean pet scan. Clean pet scan oh and CLEAN PET SCAN!

Thank you supporters!

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