2011

Im not really sure what to blog except IM TIRED!!! Fatique this time around is TERRIBLE. I have literally been in bed (minus the field trips to the couch for family time) since Wednesday. The last two treatments I have had some muscle pain. It doesn't last more than a day or so, but very tender to the touch around my neck, shoulders and arms. Super weird. Nausea is as normal as it has been. Nothing worse, nothing better. My appetite has decreased. Im not craving food as much as I was the last 3 treatments. (I gained 7 pounds since my last treatment) Im just so tired to eat or drink. Cory is watching my liqued intake cause I will dehydrate myself if noone is watching. It may sound crazy, but the thought of turning your body over, reaching to the end table to lift a glass or bottle of water and bringing it to your mouth is exhausting and I can probably fall asleep just thinking of it.

I just finished my shower and did some Mary Kay on my face so that I don't look as crappy as I feel. Im hoping to make it to church tomorrow but if I had to go right now, I think my chances are slim. Im hoping for lots of energy in the morning.

My eyes have been very sensitive to light. Not sure why, but my vision has been blurry and light is very bright to me. Thats a bit annoying.

New Years was not too bad. I tried to stay awake but that didn't happen. My poor sister was the only one up I think. I was in the living room and heard everyone count down. I think I counted down in my sleep or maybe I was in real life, LOL but I don't remember much.

I've been a real grouch to my husand and kids and need to get some restoration and apologize. Laying in bed for days, Im just so miserable I guess I want to make everyone around me miserable. My family is bending over backwards for me, and its just not fair for me to treat them that way. :( So family..if you are reading this before I get to you. Im sorry for being a grouch.

So I never make New Years Resolutions simply because I never keep them and they are too cliche for me but Cory heard of something a bit different so I think Im going to try it. I need to think of a word that I want to concentrate on this year. A word that will change me or my way of thinking or doing. For example "listening", my goal would be to be a better listener in my friendships, relationship with God, my marriage, etc.... Since I am SUCH A GREAT listener, (yes, my family is shouting out "Yeah right") Im still thinking about another word. Im thinking somewhere along the line of peace, or to be still. I just dont have it yet, but will.

2011 is here and I will have chemo until the beginning of the new year in 2012. Its a long road. 2011 will bring me 4 months of Taxol, a year long of "mild" chemo and surgery once again. That is what is in the plan anyway.

If you asked me on Jan 31st 2009 what I would be doing on Jan 31st 2010 I wouldn't have said "recovering from chemo" LOL...so again I am reminded that God is in control, He has our life in His hands, and I will just do what I can to be His hands and feet.

God Bless and Happy New Year.