Ill be honest you guys. I have felt a tad bit scared since this all started, but tonight, I feel true fear.
Remember the other day I posted that I think I felt something on my left breast? Well...its there. And its not just something. Its almost a mirror image of my lump on my right breast. Same place, same feeling, similiar size and it reminds me of when I found my first one. You have to remember something....When I found my lump on my right breast, it wasn't small. It was just there. Of course it has grown since I found it, but it didn't start out much smaller.
I had Debbie feel it tonight. She is a retired Registered Nurse. I literally lifted my arms up in the air and had her check my right lump and left lump at the same time. She confirmed that she is feeling almost the same thing.
You guys...Im scared. I feel really scared right now. Why is this happening to me? Why is it taking so long to get a surgery date. I want them OUT!!! Im trying so hard to remain strong and see through the tornado that I mention, but I can't. My biggest fear? They open me up and its everwhere. I know the chances of that happening is slim to none because of the tests they have done...but my doctor told me that she has a hard time seeing a clear shot of my breasts.
I will be calling the doctor tomorrow morning. Ill be ready to go in for her to check me out.
Please pray for me tonight. Pray for peace. I have not had any anxiety attacks in about a week, but they are back tonight. This makes me so mad.
Im definitly not the one of a bright light tonight. :( Makes me sad to not constantly seem ok. But God is still bigger...don't get me wrong...I just need peace. Lots of peace.