Day 9. "Insomnia"

Ugh...woke up at 5:20am. Tossing and turning all night. I was so tired after our fun filled day so I thought, I could just go to bed and crash without taking my sleepy pill. Bad Idea.

I had this freaky dream...and realized how many people that were important in my life, dont know I have cancer. I wish I had a phone book from every friend that meant a ton to me so I could tell them. Yes Facebook helps...but believe it or not, some people dont have Facebook. Crazy I know.

I have a little 6 year old laying next to me. She just wanted to cuddle last night, so I opted for some cuddling in the comfort in my bed. That cuddling lasted all night.

Cory stayed up waiting for Isaac to get home from the baseball game. Thank you Clarence for taking Isaac. I will post pics later. It seems like they had a blast! So..since Cory was waiting for Isaac, Cory is on the couch sleeping and Isaac is next to him, fully clothed..no PJ's. I did get up at 1am to go make sure the "boys" were ok. I woke Cory up and told him to come to bed. He woke up and said "where am I" LOL....I sarcastically said "look around" and said "come to bed". He did. He apologized for not being next to me. Bella squished in the middle of us and then when I woke up at 5:20, he was gone. Bella must have kicked her way to his side. I am assuming that he said "forget this, Im going back on the couch". LOL...We do have a comfy couch.

Well today is church and a bday party at the pool. When I think of a pool Ithink of what next summer will be like. Will I be wearing a bathing suit for women with a masectomy or would I be normal in that area, but with no hair? I can't seem to think about my new future with every thought I have.

Xtrav,Volleyball, Summer camps, Fundraisers...ugh, all these ministry events that I will probably be missing this year. I know your first thought is "its only a year for the quality of your life" but it means alot to me. It make me realize how we could never be too sure about our future. Its not in our hands. "Dont worry about tomorrow for tomrorow will worry about itself". "Sigh"...but its so true. I had a friend tell me that she never commits to anything over a year. Good stratergy.

One thing that I dont want to lose is ministry. I started to talk about it last night with my very dear friend and youth Pastor. I tried so hard to strategize the way I would 2 weeks ago, but I couldn't. It all seemed stressful to me. I have so much to worry about, so much on my plate, so much to think about. I have my life that I need to reserve but those kids are part of me. I wish I had a good median.

Well, Im off to prayer time before my day starts. God has a lot of work to do. :)