Day 27 "Stressed & Cranky"

GRUGH! Can I just scream!?

Here I am entering another week of doctors, tests and results! I have NO IDEA why this just hit me like a ton of bricks tonight. As Im watching my Jr. Higher's get baptized I realized what awaits this week and it put me in SUCH a bad mood when I should be rejoicing (which I am) but my crankiness is taking over.

What probably set it off was my email to my Breast Surgeon which was returned today. She told me that I could email her whenever I want, so I did. :) I asked her questions. Like...I need some dental work so can I get it done before surgery and I have an ear ache so Im going to get checked out (its probably allergies) so can I get antibiotics for that (if needed) and can I have zyrtec AND I want to get my ear's "re-pierced" so that when I lose my hair, I look like a girl with earrings.

Her response....Yes, get the work you need now, because any infection will delay the surgery and you dont want an infection going into surgery because that can be very dangerous. Yes, you can get on meds for your allergies, but again get it fixed now if not, we will have to postpone your surgery because any infection will attack a forgein object in your body (tissue expanders). Ear piercing....ah, if you HAVE to do it, get it done at a "good" place and not the mall, again because of infections.


GRUGH! Sooooo this means that this week I will have a dentist appointment and a doctors apointment, plus my ultrasound, plus my gene testing (again) plus my post-op, plus more blood work for my post-op. And as far as earrings...WHATEVER! I'll buy stupid clip ons and be done.

Im tried of feeling good one minute and then reality of more stuff this week makes me crazy.

I was feeling the other lump again today and of course it has gone "down" because Im not having my time of the month anymore so the "swelling" has gone down. However..that doesn't make me happy or give me hope because my other lump did the same thing.

Do you know that sometimes my lump that is now my cancer lump was hard to find sometimes but the more I "aggravated" it by touching it, the bigger it got. So I was so paranoid that the doctor or ultrasound tech wouldn't find it so I kept messing with it, so I knew for sure it would be big enough to feel right before I went to the doctor. I didn't want them to think I was crazy.

So here I am AGAIN! Not even 4 weeks after my first diagnosis. I feel another one which was sooooooooooo clear last week, but I have to really concentrate to find it now. So what if my doctor says "I dont feel it", or if I go to get an ultrasound and they find something, and they do another biopsy and that comes back cancerous. This is just absolutely CRAZY! Now I have to wait again for results of the ultrasound AND my gene testing which has me worried. I am NOT even going to say "it probably negative" because I fell into the 30% category of having cancer at my age. Numbers means nothing to me!

So I guess my prayer request? Negative ultrasound, Negative Gene Test, Easy breezy dental work that can be fixed in two weeks, No ear infection just a simple allergy pill and to find the PERFECT DAZZELING Clip on earrings that aren't like the 80's clip on earrings.

Thanks for the counseling session.