Man, my emotions were all over the place today. I think it started when I was at safeway buying a b-day card for my sister this morning. What kind of card do you get someone that you love so much AND that you are about to go down a road that was never thought of before? I started crying in Safeway and that's when I knew how this day would go.
I waited on giving her the card till dinner...and not our breakfast alone, because we would both cry and I didn't want that to happen. So we enjoyed breakfast, went shopping for my Pajama Party then met Hope and went to lunch. During this time I started to get anxious. I was trying really hard to keep my emotions under control and not take my sister's Birthday Joy away. I tried but probably failed.
During lunch I got a phone call from the lab chick again. She was calling to tell me that they need ONE MORE piece of paper. UGH!!!! If I could have jumped through the phone I would have. I was sooooo mad! I just want results. Well, really I just want surgery and chemo so I could get this done and over with.
After stressing about that....I finally got the paperwork faxed. But I thought I would call my Surgeon to see if there is anything they can do to speed up the STAT process.
On my phone call with the nurse, I informed her that I had made a decision about my surgery that I wanted the Doc to know.
Double Masectomy. Some may find this crazy, some may agree. Either way, I dont really care....LOL...because this was decision that I cried about and still do however I am at peace with it.
The day I made the decision to have a double masectomy is after my appointment with the plastic surgeon. (and of course after my MRI results) The work that has to be done to my left breast, just for it to look somewhat like my "new" right breast is OVERKILL. Im only 31 years old. THis is a big deal for me. I rather take it all, be less anxious each year on my mamograms and start from scratch on both sides.
So....I was able to have a lengthy conversation with my surgeon to let her know my decision. Because that is what I wanted, we could stop the blood test...take it after the surgery, let the insurance pay for it, and work on the ovarian surgery IF NEEDED at a later time.
THAT IS GOOD NEWS FOR ME!
So, the nurse will call me back with a surgery date. Im hoping I should know something by the end of the week.
After all this, I laid down for a bit before my sister's birthday dinner in town. When it was time to go, I popped some ibprofun, grabbed a pillow for the ride and off we went.
We had a good time and it was a good ending to a crazy day. I love my sister and am so thankful that I am here to spend her birthday with her.
At dinner we joked about cancer alot. My mom has been recently diagnosed with Hypertension. Actually, my mom was in the ER this afternoon and got out right before we went to dinner. She picked me up and said "I just got out of the ER, I took off my bracelet so you wouldn't know" LOL....
Her blood pressure was over 200. She didn't want to worry me. LOL...Figures.
Anyway we were talking about our health problems. Blood pressure, losing their eyesight, hearing, anxiety...all of the above. These are the things you talk about when you are celebrating your 41st Birthday right? :)
So I stopped them in their tracks and said "Im the youngest one and have the deadliest disease, so get over it". We just laughed. At that point...what can you do? :)
I love my family. As crazy as we are...they are MINE!
Each day is different. I keep saying this...that one day Im fine, the next Im not. I really can't handle all the emotions but I guess I can, because I am. :)
Please pray with me for a quick surgery date. Im anxious everyday and really just want to get the ball rolling. :)
Nighty Night!
Gabbee, I am overwhelmed at you wonderful writings. I love, understand and appreciate your wide range of emotions. Please keep up the great effort. I believe that a lot of people will be helped by it!
ReplyDeleteLord, please bless Gabbee with a surgery date that is in the VERY NEAR future. And, please fill her and Cory with that wonderful Peace of yours. Thank you, Lord!!!
From Lisette (Your Big & Older Sister)
ReplyDeleteThank you Gabbee for making my bday special. Im glad you held off on giving me my card until dinner b/c otherwise yes I wld have been a mess emotionally too. It is hard for me to show emotions sometimes b/c I am used to being the rock of the family. I also don't want to overwhelm you with what I may be feeling. It is also hard for me to believe that you have been diagosned with breast cancer. I wake up some mornings saying Holy Crap my baby sister has cancer. Even though I may not be having the physical part of what you will experience I am feeling all of your emotions and must admit am scared, sad, angry, mad, grateful and so on. I mean your my sister, my best friend, the person I lean on for good & bad times, the one who laughs with me and cries with me, the one who I trust. I love you soo much! I do feel very strongly that you will beat this, will it be a long road to get there Yes but I know you will and I will be there right beside you helping you get that victory. No matter what I am here for you and like my profile pic say's Your battle is my battle supporting you until you win! Love ya!
Gabi,
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain . When they told me about my cancer on my face the fear i felt of the unknown was something I could not describe. Not knowing what I would look like (if I would have a nose or if it had gone to my bone ) was somthing you might be going through. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. So I won't tell you everything will be fine, because I don't know if it will. What helped me was to take a picture after the cancer was out and before the plastic surgery, so I would not remember the way it looked before the cancer but at how much the plastic surgery had helped. When the surguen said the swelling and bruising and the skin would relax to where it needed to be... would get better I thought: bullshit it looked like crap for along time.At that time I cried alot for what I had lost. I hid it because I wanted to not seem like I was wallowing in it. I didn't go to church at that time, but I believe in the Armor of the lord now. Gabi I'm sorry you have to go through this, as the days go from I can do it to shit I don't want to do it. I will include you in my daily prayers.
Sharon