Thursday August 5th and Day 5.

Ahhhh, I shed some tears this morning with my Mom and Husband. It felt good. I wish I wasn't so numb to the news. I wish I would sob for a few days and then get up and say "Lets Do this". Lke I was ready to fight in High School. LOL....all my HS peeps know what I mean. :)

I do want to take this blog to take some time to say THANK YOU. I can't name everyone, but the emails/phone calls/cards/gifts/prayers/donations are A HUGE HELP.....More than you know. Everytime I open my door or come home, I have a card or a gift. I can't express it enough on how uplifting that is. One of my fears is that Im alone, and with every word of encouragement from someone...its a reminder that Im not alone.

I do NOT want every blog to be filled with tears because I want people to see Jesus through me. I am human, and I will be afraid but one of my very close and dear friends that went through cancer wrote this to me today so I thought I would share.

You are a spiritual warrior. You don't mentor teenagers because you're weak. You mentor them spiritually because you are strong in faith. Now use that to your advantage.

I do want to be faithful. I do not question "why" I have this disease. I question.."What are you going to do with me once Im in remission". LOL...Im scared because I pray everyday for God to use me and Oh boy, I think he might have something in store. One salvation is all I can ask for. And when I say Salvation, this is what I mean.

Through my battle with cancer my goal is for everyone to see that I do not rely on anything else for comfort except my God. He is my comfort. He always has been. Every "thing" that I have is just an added blessing, but He is the only one that can literally fill me up with peace, comfort, joy, courage and strength. My family and friends around me are his hands and feet. That is our purpose for eachother. I want others to see me as a light in the darkness, that when I am down and sick from the pain of Chemo, I am calling out to my God and saying "thank you" for this medicine so I can see my children grow up! Thank you!

That is my goal and my prayer is that my cancer GLORIFIES His name. I simply can't ask for anything else. As I am praying for healing, I am also praying that others read this and surrender their life to Him so that He may be a comfort in their lives as well.

I dont want THAT to get lost in all this.