Sunday, August 1, 2010

The end of Day 3. August 1st 2010

Gabbee: "I think Im going to blog tonight"
Cory: "Again? You already blogged today"
Gabbee: "Well I have more to say about my day"

I think this is a different kind of release for me, that I have never had. I love that I can write my thoughts and feelings down (or should I say type them). :)

This afternoon I did some research about my cancer. Huh...cancer. That is such a crazy word that I can't believe is coming out of my mouth. Anyway, my goal was to watch a movie and fall asleep to it. (White noise is something I am addicted to) I sat on the couch and my mind couldn't stop thinking. Thinking of all the possibilities. So instead of sleeping, I researched. Yuck, I hate researching.

I went onto the Susan G Komen website. Its a pretty good site actually. They have a store which I loved, because they have adorable cancer stuff. Isn't that funny? They created all these items for cancer patients. Pot holder, aprons, towels, bibs (for babies of course) onsies hats, pens....the list goes on and on. You can actually get excited about cancer products. Insanity!

Anyway, they have great information for patients. Step by step guides. Forms you can fill out to bring to the doctor for Q&A time, treatment guides, online videos of the different types of cancer and SO MUCH MORE. I got really sick of reading all of that information. Im not sure I am ready to get educated. Maybe in a few days or so.

This afternoon I received a gift from my secret sister that I have through church. Whoever she is, she is AMAZING! So if my secret sister is reading this...THANK YOU! Today I received a foot spa with hand parrafin treatment, cozy socks, a mask, chocolate, lotions, little trinkets and so much more. It was AMAZING!!! It made me smile and get totally excited. I felt really good at that moment. I felt normal.

This evening we went to Clarences 70th Birthday Party. Hope hosted a great party and great food. I love my church family/friends. My own blood included. I made my rounds around the room and just mingled. I sat down to eat and had some fun conversations.

About 20 minutes in....BOOM. My energy level dropped, I zoned out and I could barely hold a conversation. I kept walking around the room to try and find a place to sit that I could zone out, but nothing. I talked to a few people and it took every ounce of me to move my mouth. I just wanted to curl into a ball and lay on my couch.

Finally I looked over and saw empty couches. I just sat there. It felt so good. One of my friends asked if I wanted them to come sit with me and I cried and said "no". LOL....She came anyway. :) Then another friend, then another, then another. LOL...The empty couches weren't so empty, but I wasn't as sad anymore. :)

My emotions come and go. Literally. Just when I think I have no more tears, I have tons. I just can't stop crying at times. One minute my mind says "Oh, your fine, you caught this early, its contained, quit your whining" and the next it says "Oh my, you have cancer". Its crazy, and scary.

Our Pastors son Rowan who is 3 came over to us on the couch and Cory started playing around with him. Cory would pretend to eat a "fake" burger and then puke it up on Rowan. LOL...Sorry Kevin and Lisa. :) Rowan laughed and laughed and laughed. I jumped up and grabbed my camera. He's adorable and made me smile! :) I uploaded a video on my FB of him laughing. I promise it will make you giggle.

Overall today was better than yesterday. AND I have medicine to help me sleep tonight! Yay!

Tomorrow we get to call the Breast Surgeon and make an appointment for our options. I am anxious about the treatment plan. I just want to know.

Goodnight Everyone!

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